Your Touch

chapter 8

"Me and my sister, 6 and 5 years old got beaten up by our own father. We were sexually assaulted by our own father. The reason for being afraid of people around me, of people touching me, even if it's only my hand, is the man we were supposed to call dad."

For the next 3 minutes I heard nothing but the gentle wind which made the leaves in the trees rustle. Quietly I fumbled around with my sweater.

"It's unbelievable... I am really sorry (Y/N)", he looked at me like he knew how long I held all of this in.

"But... what happened after that?"

"Pff... I know it sucks right?", I snorted.

"Every time he drank, Jess and I already knew we had to hide. He would run around the house cussing loudly and searching us just to relieve his anger or whatever that was. He threatened us. If we told mum he wouldn't have had any mercy on us... One day she saw my little sister's bruises on her whole body", I told him. My eyes twitched at the last sentence which came out of my mouth because of all the memories.

"She immediately called the police and they arrested him for the rest of his life. My mom filed the divorce but for the rest of her life she blamed herself for not noticing it earlier. 5 years later she was diagnosed with cancer", I whispered and gulped.

"Why is it always the good people?", I seriously asked him with a trembling voice.

My watery eyes met his and saw a tear rolling down his cheek.

"So after...", I tried to explain a bit more to distract myself,"after those incidents I developed a phobia. A phobia which involves the fear of touching or being touched, how the doctor told me", I tried to shrug it off but failed.

"Thank you for telling me all of this. You have the courage I've never had before", he tiredly smiled at me and I could clearly see that something was suddenly bothering him.

"What happened to you?", I asked him, smiling a little bit exhausted from telling him my whole life story.

"How come you think something happened to me?", he sarcastically asked me, facing the ground.

"Because you said you knew how I feel. Go ahead", I encouraged him.

"I don't know if I have as much courage as you", suddenly Yoongi looked very shy and nervous, not mean or rude like the first Impression I got.

I didn't have to think about it very long and encouraged myself to intertwine our fingers.
Weird... but ironically very easy

Only then I realized, how beautiful his long and manly fingers were and lightly caressed his index finger with my thumb.

As I did it Yoongi slightly smiled looking at our hands, only to get serious again.

"Story time", he sighed,"my parents used to call me a failure, their... biggest mistake. On dark days when they argued or something I was their object to ruin, mentally and physically, in order not to let this awful life they were living ruin them first", he got straight to the point.

"...till they just left me one day when I was 8 years old. They didn't even say anything. They just left. Since that day I've been living in an orphanage hating myself every day for being a failure to my parents. So you know that I know Hoseok till we're 5 years old right? My mom didn't even care telling his mom they abandoned me. They kinda found out themselves when I was already 11 years old. Ms Jung being the kindhearted woman she is, let me live with her and Hoseok till last year when I got myself an apartment. In the time I spent in the orphanage and living with Hoseok I developed depression. So after a while I couldn't stand it anymore and started cutting myself. Of course I knew that some time Ms Jung would find out and that it would deeply hurt her. But I couldn't resist because it helped me forget about my horrible parents for at least a while. One day it went too far and Ms Jung found me on the floor, unconscious due to the amount of blood loss. It must've looked terrifying because I nearly cut my whole arm..."

I was so overwhelmed by what he just told me and tried not to cry. I felt like an idiot because I snapped at him earlier for not understanding shit.

He let go of my hand to roll up the sleeve of his left arm. A long scar appeared under his sleeve. He didn't lie when he said that he nearly cut his whole arm. It was terrible to see that he did that to himself because his parents thought of him as a failure.

"But this incident is already 4 years ago and since that day I couldn't hurt myself anymore because I realized... I realized that there were still people who loved me and cared about me. And I knew that I wouldn't only hurt myself if I cut my wrist again but also Hoseok and his mom", he said while looking at all his smaller scars.

"You aren't a failure Yoongi." I locked eyes with him.
"Do...", I hesitated. "Do you know how much this actually means to me? That you brought me here and that you encouraged me to talk about my past?"

"I told you I know how it feels."

"I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier. Really I don't think you deserve anything of this", I firmly apologized.

"It's okay. I'm glad we don't ignore each other from now on", he sighed in relief.

//Yoongi's pov//

Shit why am I getting so soft, I asked myself while looking at (Y/N) who ran her fingers through her long hair as she looked into the sky.

She looked really relieved and that's how I felt. I bet she wanted to tell this to someone for a long time already.

I leaned back also looking at the sky letting out a sigh.

After some minutes of pure silence (Y/N) broke it.

"How long are we actually here already?", she asked curiously.

I shrugged. "I don't know... two hours maybe?", I assumed.

"Wow", she said while glancing at me.

"This is actually my first time ever skipping school", she admitted, her ckeeks flushing pink.

"Wow still a beginner", I gave her an amused look,"I can still teach you a lot", I said and jokingly rolling my eyes.