Your Touch

chapter 37

//Yoongi's pov//

It was the first day of our break from freaking school. The few days before, it may also be weeks, I couldn't sleep very well. I was in a conflict with my own mind.

The day before

I was casually playing basketball in my sports class as my fucking train of  uncertainty and fear hit me again.

"Yo Yoongs what's going on?", Hoseok asked in a short break with a confused facial expression.

"It's nothing", I shortly responded, taking a sip from my water bottle.

"There sure is something, you're playing like a tired baby kangaroo", Hoseok stated, making me frown.

"What the fuck is that comparison?", I tried to avoid his questions because he was right, I was a little off.

"That doesn't matter right now.. What's happening? Is something wrong with you and (Y/N)?", he looked quite concerned.

"I am just thinking about a lot right now, don't think about it...", I shortly responded before running onto the court again, leaving Hoseok behind.

I couldn't tell him anything, I was even embarrassing myself, so how could I tell him. Even though he was a brother to me, there were things I couldn't easily share with him.

After my sports class was over I hurried up to get dressed, thinking about more upcoming questions in case I had to face Hoseok again. Quickly I walked out of our school since we had our lunch break. I didn't really know where I ran to but as I couldn't really catch my breath anymore I decided to stop. I found myself in the park where we bumped into Lisa and Hoseok.

With my head down I began to walk along the path (Y/N) and I did a month ago. My feet were walking slower, I saw the brown leaves passing me and blurring.

After some time of walking I looked up again and saw two boys on the bench I was sitting with (Y/N) the previous month.

Oh... it's Jin!

And Namjoon!

I headed towards the bench, getting their attention.

"Oh my god Yoongi you scared me why are you walking so aggressively?", Jin let out a breath.

"Wait, don't you have to be in school right now?", Namjoon asked with a frown, wrapping his arm around Jin's shoulder.

"No, it's lunch break now... I just walked here, didn't expect to see you here", I blurted out, a little bit flustered out of an unknown reason.

"Yeah... you walked... You're sweating like hell, Namjoon give him your water. Yoongi sit down. Unbelievable.. you shouldn't be outside in this cold weather when you're sweating, you'll get sick! Now sit down", my mom... excuse me, Jin ordered. I wished I had him as my mom instead of that one horrible person though.

"Yeah I just had sports", I said while sitting down and taking a sip from Namjoon's water bottle.

"What got you to run here?", Namjoon asked.

"Uuh, nothing.. I just wanted to get out of school for a while, I know I KNOW it's the last day of school but I am confused...", I explained, slightly annoyed but I could also hear some kind of nervousness in my voice, which Jin could apparently also hear.

"...because of school. I am confused because of school", I quickly finished my sentence, without facing the couple.

Namjoon cleared his throat awkwardly before Jin looked at me as if he was trying to figure out some hard math task.

"You're weird. What's going on? By the way why aren't you spending your break with your girlfriend?", Jin furrowed an eyebrow.

"What is this? Why is everyone worrying about my behaviour?", I gave them a questioning but slightly annoyed look.

As if they would give a fuck about my problem hah.

"Because you're acting different... Is really everything okay?", Jin asked softly, making me feel mean because I was always answering like a moody, I-don't-give-a-fuck-about-you teen going through puberty. But I didn't want that. To be honest I appreciate Namjoon and Jin always being there for me but at that time I didn't really get it yet.

In those few seconds of silence thousands of thoughts trailed through my head, desperately wanting to come to the surface. I tried to press them down but-

"I think... I think I-I fell in love with (Y/N)", I blurted out, widening my eyes as soon as my sentence was spoken, not being able to take it back.

Expecting Jin and Namjoon to explode from laughters I turned to the side, burying my face in my hands like a little kid. When I think about it today, I don't understand why I was so ashamed of Jin and Namjoon to know that.

Why the FUCK did I say that, I mentally slapped myself repeatedly.

After it was silent for like half a minute, I was confused as hell and I had to turn around to see if they didn't secretly run away for whatever reason.

But all I saw was Jin, covering his mouth with both of his hands and looking at me as if I was one of those XXL Teddy bears, causing me to give him a questioning look.

"Yoongi...", was all he could say.

"What the hell", I responded, giving them a weirded-out face, avoiding eye contact out of embarrassment again.

"This is so... cute", Jin mumbled against his hands.

"There's nothing cute about it, I'm having serious problems", I raked a hand through my hair.

"Why is there a problem with loving someone?", Namjoon now spoke up.

"So.. first of all isn't it way too fast? I only know her for like four months, yes we are dating but that doesn't necessarily mean that she feels the same, I mean like... why should she love me? I am a fucking failure, every guy that comes around the corner is a better guy than me, she has her own past, her own problems why would she take another problem? It just wouldn't make fucking sense... I don't even know if it's really... love I'm feeling."