Your Touch

chapter 22

After a few meters I couldn't see him anymore but continued looking for him until I ended up at the old building next to our school.

All the way up and I opened the little door above my head. I stepped onto the rooftop, looking around.

There he was. Sitting on the same spot I kissed him the first time... with a cigarette in his hand and smoke coming out of his mouth.

As I saw him like that, I felt a stinging in stomach. A light breeze brushed through my hair, taking the scent of smoke with it. At the smell of that smoke, my head started spinning and I got slightly sick.

I felt a little dizzy, watching over the city, trying to hold my breath. As I closed my eyes I could clearly smell the smoke, even though it was only a little bit. I could hear a scream again, tearing my dream apart. I could feel that stinging pain all over my body.

Seconds later I opened my eyes, just to see Yoongi taking another puff. Slowly I walked over to him and sat down next to Yoongi, obviously startling him.

As he breathed the smoke out, he suddenly had to cough at the sight of me, probably because he didn't hear me coming.

"Oh my god (Y/N) why are you sneaking up here like this you scared me", he nervously blurted out.

"Hey... why are you crying?", he carefully asked, taking my hand.

Wait... I am crying?, I thought. I didn't even notice that.

"Don't touch me please", I kinda sobbed without wanting it. I sounded like a kid...

With a confused expression in his face he hesitantly took his hand away again.

"So...", I broke the awkward silence,"you're smoking."

"Uhm... yeah. But why are you crying?", he asked me with a worried expression.

"Because of you, you... dumbass!", I accidentally blurted out. I really didn't want to say this. I had no right to be angry at him for smoking. Besides that sounded so extremely childish.

"Are you angry right now because I'm smoking?!", he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

I remained silent.

"It's not like I'm addict or anything, the only times I smoke is when I'm really stressed and that's maybe once a month", he calmly explained. As I didn't answer he looked slightly annoyed.

"It's not that it's that big of a deal! This is my problem, not yours! It's not like we're together or something like that", he said, looking away from me.

He was right. We weren't together, I had no right to complain about him smoking. But I liked him and I couldn't stop thinking about all the things that happened in the past if I see him smoking.

"It's not healthy to smoke", I lied about the reason, not wanting him to smoke.

He let out a sarcastical laugh and took another puff from his cigarette.

"And you think I don't know that?"

Yoongi avoided eye contact with me and just kept on smoking which made me feel dizzier and dizzier.

"My fucking parents won't stop calling me, they're calling me all day everyday. I have no idea how they got my number but I am pissed and I don't know what to do they are going to fuck up my life even more than they already did! I was going to live a normal, peaceful life without them, just with my friends and my real family, never seeing my 'parents' again but they are coming right when I'm getting happy again and destroy everything", he told me while slowly running his hands through his hair in despair.

I could clearly see the pain in his eyes and his anger as he balled his fists, letting his veins show.

"Why were you so distant today? You didn't even greet me", I said, not knowing what to say while looking at my hands.

"I'm sorry, it's just... when I'm angry I don't wanna see anybody, I can't see other people while being in pain, knowing that I can't tell them about it... It hurts", he quietly said.

"But you can always talk to me Yoongi. Always", I told him, a little bit disappointed because he didn't choose to at first.

After a few minutes of pure silence he turned his head to face me.

"Why did you cry?", he asked for the third time.

When I heard that question my heart started beating faster again. Should I tell him about it?

"I... I didn't even notice that I was crying... I'm sorry you are right I can't tell you not to smoke or anything", I only responded, not facing him.

"Please, tell me", he quietly said. "You can tell me anything you want", he continued while locking eyes with mine, fascinating me for the nth time. His eyes were something that I've never seen before. They're drawing me into his spell.

"Earlier, when my mother wasn't at home in the morning and 'he' had to prepare us for school. That monster used a horrible wake-up method. Guess what... That method consisted of pressing his burning cigarette on our backs in order to wake us up-", I started telling him, feeling tears burning on the heated skin of my face.

At the last sentence Yoongi paused and looked down at his hand. First he let the cigarette in his hand fall down the roof. After that he took the cigarette pack out of his pocket and opened it. One by one flew into the depth of over 50 meters. Without any emotions in his face he continued throwing the cigarettes down one by one, before also letting the box fall down.

Slowly Yoongi turned his head towards me, giving me an undefinable look, making my heart flutter and my stomach twirl around. Hesitantly he lifted his hands to my face and lightly cupped my cheeks. With his thumbs he carefully carressed over them, wiping the burning tears away, causing my breath to hitch.

"I don't ever want to hurt you (Y/N)."