Your Touch

chapter 41

"I think I fell so hard for you (Y/N)", Yoongi suddenly spoke up.

"What?!", I blurted out. Did I hear that right?! My stomach was tightening and I didn't know where to look or what to do.

Yoongi fell for me?

I misheard something, my mind was a complete mess at that moment anyways. So me trying to figure out my feelings, led to me misunderstanding Yoo-

"I love you (Y/N)", he repeated and looked at me with a soft expression on his face, staring directly into my eyes, making my heart skip several beats.

I couldn't have misheard that... twice!

Yoongi loves me?

"Y-you... you love m-me?", I stuttered, being obviously dumbfounded at his spoken words.

"Yes. I love you. I can't change anything, you made me give up on my coldness I started building up throughout the many last years", Yoongi was being sincere, I could feel it. His heart was still beating like crazy, now there was no doubt, that it was his heart.

I don't know for how many seconds I stared at him but it was like something took me over right after I realized, what Yoongi said. That thing made me stand up, it cut off my breath. That thing made Yoongi sit up, a confused expression spread across his face as I took a short glance over my shoulder before whispering a quick 'I'm sorry' and leaving the apartment. That thing was an asshole.

I practically ran out of that apartment, leaving Yoongi, who just confessed his love to me, behind. As I began to run, I didn't even notice the single tears streaming down my face and slowly dropping onto the ground, as in slow motion.

Why am I running? I shouldn't be running! I should tell him right in this moment, how I feel and that I actually... feel exact the same.

But I was running, I was running as if I would have died by stopping. My thoughts wouldn't find an end till I stopped running, out of breath, feeling hot burning tears on my cheeks. I found myself at our school where I ran to, without even noticing it.

As I looked up into the grey sky which was decorated with clouds, I felt the first small rain drops falling onto my face and trailing down, mixing up with my tears. I kept going till I arrived at one of my favourite places in the whole world.

After opening the door which was covered in ivy, I got all the way up and stepped out into the fresh, cold air of the autumn 2017. It was a calming feeling to be up there again.

But then it hit me.

How could I just leave him behind? He had the courage I would never have in my life and I took it and crushed it. I did that even though I was feeling exactly the same, I didn't understand myself. It was so selfish of me to just let him be weak first, I didn't want to be weak. Because the weak are those who can get used and hurt easily.

I am a horrible selfish person...

I sat down at the exact same spot I sat together with Yoongi the first time I was there. Desperately I buried my face in both of my hands, thinking about what to do, what to do to make everything good again. What if Yoongi was mad? What if he just finds himself a new girlfriend? A girlfriend who isn't as uptight as I am?

Those thoughts were flying around in my head, I ignored the pouring rain soaking up my clothes and my hair. I just remembered his face over and over when I just left like an idiot, without even saying a word.

After, I don't know how much time passed, I got up, only then noticing the wet material all over my body, making me cringe because of how cold it was.

I'm gonna be really happy if I won't catch a cold after this, I told myself while closing the small door above my head and getting down the stairs.

As I got home Jess luckily wasn't in the living room so I could quickly sneak in and hop under a hot nice shower.

Well it would've been really nice if my train of thoughts didn't travel on.

I just couldn't explain it to myself... I think I wasn't ready to say it, there's just something that was blocking me.

The following three days I couldn't think of anything else but the last time I saw Yoongi. It made me cry internally... maybe also externally but that didn't matter at that moment.

Yoongi didn't text me and I didn't text him. I was too afraid of his reaction... maybe he already decided to end things?

But the thing he didn't know was that I did love him back. I was just too stupid and anxious to tell him.

I didn't come out of my room those three days exept for eating or the toilet. Jess respected that and only came to my room once to tell me that I should tell her if I needed anything.

The next day I woke up, still feeling the dry stains of my tears on my cheeks. I decided to finally get my shit together and stop being a crybaby.

I got into the shower, dried my hair and changed into comfortable pants and a warm sweater.

I told Jess that I would go on a walk for a while before leaving the house and getting on the next bus. Throughout the way I was thinking about how to apologize for just leaving him and not even talking to him.

The time passed very quickly but just staying in the bus because I was panicking wasn't an option, so I got out, knees were slightly shaking as I pressed his doorbell.

After I waited for what felt like a minute without someone opening the door, I turned around and wanted to leave.

But at that moment I heard the door.

Quickly I turned around because of that noise and the sight which showed in front of me, left me in slight shock.