Shh, Just Kiss Me (18+)

f i f t y - e i g h t

A few months had gone by since Nora's death. It still felt like it happened yesterday. The Real Estate Agency approved my transfer a while back but I just didn't depart yet. I spent the majority of my last days catching up with my family and healing wounds. I couldn't wait to take a new leap forward.

To distract myself, I went on temporary vacations to avoid the city. I had said goodbye to coaching basketball at John Jay High School so that I can embark on a new journey. The boys were very sad about my resignation but respected my decision and wished my joyful bliss. I will truly miss them.

Those kids are and will always be my everything. It's kind of hard walking from a team I helped improved academically and on the court.

So far, I've been working on me and elevating my energy to possess new ones. My head started feeling lighter and my mind finally protected me from my worst memories. It's working out and I'm starting to feel okay.

This was different. This was to teach me something.

I heard a knock at my door. Appalled, I stand there eying Jaide. She stood there smiling like an Angel. There was a moment of silence between us.

I haven't been around her pure charisma in a while. Meeting her like this since the accident feels like the first time we met. I'm getting nervous right now.

That mysterious magnetism and sassy glamour that beams in my sight still sends shivers down my spine. I caught goosebumps! How could someone like her be for me? Belong to me? My girlfriend.

It didn't feel real. I felt like I was plugged into a game.

Any moment now, we'll crash into each other's arms and hug but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Why?

Instead, she awkwardly smiles and desperately looks around to escape the silence. She's daring to break the ice.

"How you been?" She asks melancholy.

"...Okay. I've been okay, " I replied. We stare at each other cowardly for a little longer. "You look amazing." I thought she'd look completely different in the face since she had a nose job but she seems to look the same. It looks like nothing happened to her in the first place.

"Thanks. You too!"

Jaide's face fell like she was made out of fresh wax only to be ruined like it's been out in the summer heat for too long.

Her brows furrowed together when she noticed how spaced out everything is. I had finished packing my belongings for a few days in advance.

She wasn't expecting the move. I didn't tell her. I didn't want her to know. I just thought maybe she'll get the hint that I want to disappear.

"What?" Jaide bellows. She paces around like a dog who lost its owner. "Why are your things in so many boxes?"

She started exploring. She stared casually at my empty bookshelf and crossed her arms. Jaide's head went down. She sighed. She slowly turned around to face me.

"You're moving? Why?"

"I need to start over, Jaide," I said.

"You're joking?"

"Some support would be extremely needed right now," I replied. She uncrossed her arms.

"I don't know what to say. I mean, I know we've been going through a lot but I was hoping we'd go through it together."

"Jaide, I think it's best we just stay...friends." God, I hated saying those words to her. She laughed a little and came closer to me. She didn't think I was serious.

"You're funny." She slapped me on the arm. My face stayed straight the entire time. "If you think you're going to break-up with me, think again."

"I mean it. You and I both know we can't be together anymore." I crossed my arms and clenched my jaw. Jaide looked furious. She looked like she wanted to hit me.

"You're breaking...up with me? Me? After what we just went through?" She giggled a little. "Oh man, it's a prank, right?" She started looking around for a hidden camera.

When she noticed my nonchalant demeanor, her playful energy faded like dust. She started crying. She just snapped like a mad woman.

She aggressively runs to me and tries to attack me. I blocked her kitty punches. "How dare you?" she argued while trying to fight me.

"Please, don't go. Don't leave me. Damon, don't leave me." She was screaming and pouring her eyes out. I felt bad for rejecting her. I didn't want to but I had to, for me.

In the middle of her childish tantrums, I had to calm her down and hold her still so that I could stop getting hit in the face.

"Damon, I love you. I'm sure. I know now. You can't just forget about me."

"Jaide." I kept repeating her name multiple times because I had to tell her she's much better off without me. I had realized what I was doing. I couldn't keep her from her youth. She's still very young and I want her to have a life not circling around me.

"Da—"

"Jaide, listen to me. I don't want to control your life. As much as I'd love to continue this journey, I can't. You have so much more to achieve. You have so much more to do. I don't want to harm you. I don't want to stop you. I don't want to hold you back."

When she realized she couldn't defeat me, she surrendered and just cried.

"But you're not." She said while touching my forehead with hers. She's staring at me stone cold in the eyes with no intent to look away. She rubbed my cheeks impulsively staring at me with tears coming out of her eyes. She's so sad. I can't even cope no more.

"I am, Jaide. Whatever's out there is looking for you." I said.

"Stop talking like that."

I wanted to tell her the truth but I knew it would destroy her. The kind of truth she'll never forgive me for. As heartbreaking as it was to withdraw and try not to get emotional, I couldn't say it. God, I'm such a coward.

I'm already breaking her heart. I refuse to destroy any more pieces she has left to spare.

"We have to move along. You have dreams I have dreams. This right here...this is not the answer."

Jaide quickly backs away from me like she touched something icky. She held her hand up in forfeit.

"Damon, please. Long distance? Ever heard—" She kept taking heavy breaths between her words. She was struggling to compose herself.

"Jaide...stop."

There was a moment of silence again. She ran out of things to say once she realized she couldn't change my mind. She just cried like it was her last days.

"I have issues, Jaide. I want to fix myself. I want to do other things. I want to live in many places. I just want to enjoy my life as much as I can. Sitting here being depressed about Nora all day is not okay. I want to start fresh."

"Yeah, without me. You want to meet other wo—"

"Don't!" I demand.

"You...disgust me. Fuck you. Fuck you, just—" She got up quickly and left just as quick as she came. How do I tell a teenager that I'm already involved with that her mother and I made...love? She'd lose her mind but she'll never look at me or her mom the same.

It was triggering just imagining an outcome like that.
I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't pretend to her face. I've already done enough. So I did what I did best and moved on. I had to let go...of the both of them.

I stared at my reflection from the television. I hated being here, alive. I hated being me for a second. This kind of pain is only temporary anyway. I'll move past it.

I couldn't for the life of me be happy with myself. I just broke her heart and mine. I don't know where this will go. It sucks!

Meanwhile, I'll suck it up and be a man about it. I'm only getting older and I deserve good karma. I tried. That's all that matters because I tried.