My Neighbors the YouTubers (A danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil fanfiction)

Chapter 23: Distance

*Dan POV*

"What were you saying?" Phil politely asked.

I heard footsteps rush down the hall. I lifted my gaze from the floor, feeling a sort of emotion behind my eyes that I didn't want to feel. "What?" I blanked out, feeling dazed from tiredness and stress.

Phil scanned my face, and I knew he was trying to understand what was off about me. "About the video?"

"Yes," I gulped, trying to compose myself, "I promised on Twitter I would film a video today. I could put it off, but I don't feel like procrastinating today. I've got to be reliable sometimes, I believe." I paused, noticing the sentence I just spoke, and how obvious and off I sounded. I continued, hopefully covering up my mistake, "Will you be okay? I'll pick you up at 5, like the doctor said."

"I'll be fine, Dan. Thanks. But," he said as I inhaled in fear as to what he might say, "Is Rachel okay? She seemed a bit odd today," he paused, looking up for a bit, thinking. "Sad somehow," he added.

"I'm sure she's fine," I said, not knowing what else I could say, burying my hands into my pockets and letting my eyes drift to the floor to avoid having to make eye contact.

"Alright," Phil said unsurely, "And you? How are you?"

"Phil, you just woke up. You need to focus on yourself. Get some rest. You'll be okay. You're acting kinda strange. Everything's okay."

"Okay," Phil let it go, but I saw him look at me skeptically. I met his eyes accidentally. I was afraid he'd see the fear behind my eyes, but he didn't say anything more.

I left.

I couldn't get my mind off of all the pain and confusion I experienced over the last day. Tiredness wasn't helping. I felt my whole life fall apart in just a few hours. I felt helpless, and now I felt numb. I could've gone looking for Phil. I could've realized something was wrong. But I was really irresponsible and a downright failure to everyone. No matter what fans could say, they didn't know. They didn't know what happened to Phil last night, and they wouldn't ever know. They didn't know that I let Rachel fall in the street and responded with blame and stress. They didn't know that Rachel was my girlfriend, and I was the worst boyfriend after only a few hours. Rachel was a fan, but now she knew better. She knew how horrible I was. I knew I couldn't repair this. And why should I try? After everything she's been through, after the chance she gave me, and I put her through worse?

I hated myself.

I stumbled into my flat, feeling completely unaware of everything around me, practically drunk with emotions I didn't want to have.

I awoke my phone, and saw no messages. I rolled onto my bed and silently buried my face in my pillow.

I couldn't make a video today.

I sent out a tweet:

I'm sorry, I lied. I can't film today. I'm far too busy. Forgive me.

I received many replies, mostly asking how someone like me could ever be busy because I never really ever did anything.

It was true, really. I didn't. I had some friends, but I really needed to be forced to do things.

...

And so it was like that. Silence. One week later, Rachel and I still hadn't talked or even passed by each other.