BTS Sickfics

Namjoon: Faking Illness

(In Continuation of Yoongi: I Wish I Could Be Sick)

Namjoon's POV -

There's been a few thoughts playing on my mind recently. Maybe it's from guilt, but my mind keeps flashing back to when Yoongi kept trying to make himself sick, so he could get out of swimming, due to his massive fear of deep water. I just keep thinking about how desperate he must have been, trying to make himself so sick he couldn't even move.

There's a voice in my head, though, telling me it's not about the guilt, and that I can't even try to use the guilt to hide what I'm really thinking. No, what I'm thinking is much crueler, and completely inspired by Yoongi's anxious fretting.

It's not unknown to anyone that I'm not the biggest fan of dance practice. Although I like dancing with the boys, and I know that, when I step on stage, I'm just as good, and I can keep the rhythm and be synchronised. No, it's the dance practice I hate. I hate being barked at by the instructor for getting it wrong once again, and even Hoseok can be a little sniffy with me. Jimin always gives me sympathetic looks, but it always makes me feel worse. Like I'm a pity party.

It's harder than you think. We practice most our day away, especially when we have an album coming, but I never seem to be getting any better. It seems like it's suddenly at the last minute when it finally clicks with me. It's hard holding everyone back, and knowing you're not good enough. I didn't even sign up to dance. I just wanted to rap, and produce music. Yet here I am, nearly ten years later, feeling the wrath of it all.

We've been in this routine for nearly a month now, of dancing for at least 10 hours everyday. The new album is set to drop in two weeks, and the pressure is on for us to tie up the loose ends. And by loose ends, I mean my dancing. As well as the gruelling 10 hours a day, I even have special lessons with the instructor, to try and give me that extra boost. I know I need it, if I truly want to keep up with Hoseok and Jimin, but I'm exhausted, plus there's all the time on top of that where I'm producing, and all the meetings with PDnim, since I'm the leader in BTS. This time round, I really am truly exhausted. I need a break.

That's when Yoongi entered my mind. It's been a few months since the whole incident, and he came home the day after he fainted. I felt awful for teasing him, and I wish I had kept a closer eye on him, so at least he wouldn't have gotten hurt, but now I keep thinking about the moments that lead up to him fainting like that.

First, he made himself throw up, then he gave himself a fever - I saw the mug of water left in the kitchen, which I'm assuming used to have been hot, and he put it on his face, and I think he even pretended to faint when Seokjin started to suss him out. He said that him turning his ankle was a genuine accident, but I'm not so sure.

I'm not going to get a break from this routine unless something happens to me, and I have to make it dramatic. A single cold won't get me out of dance practice, or the extra lessons, or the studio, or any of the meetings. Then, when the album drops, we'll be all over the place trying to support it, and then there's all the interviews, and we still have another music video to record. I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

So, here's what's on my mind: I'll pretend to be sick. Get myself out of practice for just a day or two, and let myself rest. It's not that I'm lazy, or want attention. I truly do just want a break.

I'm not going to mess around the way Yoongi did. I'm gonna build up to it, then do something dramatic before we start to dance. That way, it won't look spontaneous, and I might be able to get away with my awful acting.

*

In the morning, I make sure I'm one of the last out of bed. I can hear the others pottering around in the kitchen, and stumble my way down. We get up so early that stumbling is pretty normal, but I make sure I make it look like I'm about to lose my balance.