BTS Sickfics

Jungkook: Tourette Syndrome

requests by JisungsPocketHamster and milkytaegi :)

---------------------

Jungkook's POV -

I have something called Tourette Syndrome.

I've had it since I was about 6 years old. I went to bed feeling fine, but the next day, I started continuously throwing my head back and making odd sounds. They were frightening, and they made me cry, but my parents and brother thought I was putting it on at first. The fright seemed to make these odd twitches worse, and I became so distraught my parents believed me.

It took a few doctor's appointments to really get the diagnosis. I had brain scans, and had to see a psychologist, to see if it was an emotional thing rather than a neurological. However, the tics never stopped, and I was handed that TS diagnosis.

I was put on medication the same day, and it helped to reduce my tics, but never fully took them away. My tics before had developed strongly, causing me to throw my head back, to the side, making my arms flail, kicking my legs so that I fell, and vocal tics so loud and irritating people would glare at me on the street. After, I was left with throwing my head back, and an odd Ah! sound that made it sound like I was being punched.

At school, and at home, Tourette Syndrome was seen as a curse on me. My family aren't religious, neither was my school, but, in reality, I had a brain condition, which is highly frowned upon in Korea. It's seen as a curse, or even a possession, on the devil. Epilepsy, mental illnesses, Autism, they're all highly stigmatised here. I was already deemed a lost cause.

What I mean is, it wasn't funny for me to have these tics. I didn't enjoy them. On a bad day, they made my neck hurt, and I couldn't really make friends because the other kids didn't want to be 'infected'. I got shouted at for making noises, like I could control them, and ended up getting reprimanded. They made me feel tired out, but they got worse if I let my emotions show. No one ever talks about it. My parents wouldn't ask me how I was coping. They wouldn't talk about it at all. If I started ticing too much, they would give this defeated sigh, and shake their heads a little. I felt alienated.

The tics stayed pretty consistent as I got older, and, when I decided I wanted to be an idol, I was still having them. No one told me having a stressful job would make it worse. No one ever discussed it. My parents didn't take me to follow up appointments, so I never got advice from a doctor. I just wanted to go my own way, and my parents encouraged it.

I tic'ed during my audition, though. Along with my constant voice cracks, I kept making a loud oof! sound between verses, and I kept scrunching my nose. They didn't have to ask if I had Tourette's, it was a given. They turned me away straight away.

There were other idol agents looking out for the rejects, though, and people kept pressing cards into my hands, telling me they wanted me for an audition. To be honest, I was so pent up about failing, my hands kept throwing and tearing the cards. I was blowing every single chance I was getting.

A man handed me a card, and with him stood a tall boy with frizzy hair. He looked strong and muscular, and his smile was almost addicting. He introduced himself as Namjoon, and, when I loudly went Woof! in his face, he didn't even flinch, and he didn't stop smiling. It was like he understood.

So I chose that company, because of Namjoon. Because he was nice to me. Because he was the first person to not frown or jeer at my tics. BigHit.

Over the years as a trainee, and leading a very stressful lifestyle, my tics started to really develop. Even with medication, they just wouldn't stop. The stress was horrible for everyone, but it was literally ruining my life. Eventually, I gave up on my medication altogether, since it wasn't making any difference. We didn't have enough money for me to go to the doctor and get a new prescription.