The Sapphic Christmas

1st December. part 2

Ella

On the morning of the first of December, I realize that the most fun part of my year begins now. In fact, it even scares me a little, but on the other hand, I can't get enough of it. Why do I have such feelings in the morning? Because I'm starting to shoot Vlogmas.

When I wake up, I decide to take the first shot while still lying in bed. After all, vlogs should show real life, and in the morning, this's my most real side. I turn on the camera, point it at myself, and take a few breaths before speaking. It helps me to think clearly and kind of relax.

"Good morning, everybody.Christmas is coming. So, finally, Vlogmas begins." I guess that after these words I want to put my intro, although I originally planned a little later. I wanted to talk a little more at first. Now I understand that this doesn't work out the way it was in my dreams. I make a short pause, so that later it would be a little easier to edit.

"I just woke up in my hotel in Brighton, there's beautiful weather outside. How have you started your December? Leave your stories in the comments." I think for a second what I can say about something else, but I leave this idea for later. I think those few minutes where I'm without makeup are enough. Otherwise, I begin to feel awkward, as if I'm naked in front of the audience. Besides, even during the time I'm without makeup on the vlog (it's like a minute), many people have already managed to write angry and / or insulting comments that my skin isn't perfect, there're bruises under my eyes, or that they don't like the shape of my nose. They're constantly justified by the fact that this is only their opinion, "everyone has the right to have personal opinion." The only problem is that this isn't an opinion anymore. Anyway, I'm trying to get rid of these thoughts. It won't be the first time, it won't be the last one either.

I get out of bed as soon as I finish shooting and I don't allow myself to be lazy a little bit more, although I really want to. Today is the first day of December, Christmas is really coming. I'm happy about it. Waiting for the holidays is one of the things that makes me exited.

I really don't know what to shoot today, because the road to London will take almost all the energy from me, and then I have a meeting with a company that helps me produce my own cosmetic products. We have our last meeting today before my entire Christmas collection comes out.

After taking a shower and starting time-lapse, I'm doing my make up. After I'm done, I make stories for Instagram to tell my followers that I've decided to shoot Vlogmas this year. I doubted the idea in this year, because in fact it's hard to make vlogs every day. Especially, I have to combine it with the rest of the work. I'm not complaining, in fact I really love what I do. Also, while I'm getting ready, I call my manager, Katerina. She's always with me at all meetings, it's very important for me, both from a mental point (as a support), and because sometimes she understands better what's going on. They have some kind of special language, and sometimes I just don't get the words. This time we just discuss with her that I should be at the office on time. Any way my products will appear in stores in a few days. Yet, I can't be late. If we want to work with the company in the future, we have to respect them and respect their time. It's not that I don't appreciate their help, I just have pure time managing skills.

I pack my backpack and check the room to make sure I don't leave anything here. Of course, I'll be back in Brighton soon, but it's not a good idea to leave something important. Last, I take my camera and turn it off, I may not need it anytime soon.

Since I have a little time to walk around Brighton, that's what I'm going to do. Of course, the whole city is beautiful, but I prefer the beach. Here it's calm and fresh wind, which brings me back into shape, makes me more productive, clears my mind. Already on the beach, I shoot again, where I talk about my plans for the day, but I understand that this's pointless, because on the video now only the wind and seagulls will be heard, perhaps, so I decide to do it latter. After half an hour I return to my car, which is stayed at the beach parking. I like it here, so calm. This city has great energy.

I get into my car and try to start it, but it doesn't work. In fact, it worries me a lot, because this has never happened before. I try again, but nothing comes out, then again, and a few more times, but nothing. My car isn't working. I immediately think about trains and google schedule, but quickly realize that none of them suits me. They either go to the wrong station (it still takes a lot of time to get from there to the office), or the right ones have already left. Then I look at the bus schedule, and I understand that it doesn't fit either. I don't know what to do. Panic finds a way to get back to me, so I return to the beach, and there I already try to calm down. It doesn't help, I don't know what to do. This damn car is ruining my plans. I need to call my manager and tell her about the whole situation, but before that I want to calm down a bit. I know everything will be fine (in some way or another), but it's a lot to process in the moment. My hands are shaking, I can't breathe. I know what's happening, I know what I should do, but I feel like it won't help me at all.

A few minutes later, a young lady approaches me, her light-blond hair sticking out from under the hood in a discordant way, but she seems to me kind and worried. Is she watching my videos? As it turns out, no. The girl simply offers her help, and a little afraid to disturb her, I still agree. Yes, I'm embarrassed, but she's my only hope to be in time. I text to the manager, telling the whole situation in a few words. She doesn't really say anything, only repeatedly asks to come on time. Thanks for the support, yep.

**

Already leaving the office, I understand that my new friend turns out to be very kind. She didn't demand anything from me for help. She didn't try to make advantage from me. She's really nice and cute.

I quickly arrive at the hotel room where I stay almost every time when I come to London. The stress, I've felt when my car wouldn't start, ruined my whole mood, but I still need to look happy on camera. That's what you always have to do, because that's the only way people look at you. No one is interested in people who experience a whole range of emotions, people only want a nice picture. Whether you're happy or not, you have to keep the mask. Of course, not everyone like this. Moreover, I get it, when viewers want only happy-easy content: they want to relax after long day, have some positive vibes.

Lying down on the bed, I think that I need to get done at least three things before bed-time.

First, I call the car service. Very nice girl talks to me, and she helps with my problem. We agree that in a few days we'll call again and agree on a date and time.

The second thing is to finish this vlog. I can do this along with everything else. I put the camera on the windowsill to film another time lapse, turn on "Elf" because it's one of the most Christmas movies. In the meantime, I complete the third "task" and start editing the video by changing the memory cards in the camera. Getting to the point where we're already driving in the car, I realize that I haven't said almost anything about Sophie. So now I take the camera in my hands and start filming myself talking. I try to explain the whole situation. It comes out pretty good, I think. I'm a little embarrassed that Sophie can watch this, but on the other hand: why would she do this? I hope she won't google me; it'd ruin everything. I'd like to continue communication with her. Of course, if she'll ever text me. I can't do that because I don't know anything about her. Omg, I really know nothing about her.

I finish the first part of vlogmas here, I hope that the material will be enough for a video. In a few hours, I have almost done the video. Which I'll upload tomorrow, since I have no energy to do anything now.

I fall asleep with the TV on, even though I don't even know what's on. My last thought was "I'm glad I've met Sophie."