The Sapphic Christmas

2nd December. part 1

Sophie

The second day of winter and I'm still far away from my home. You know what? I like being an adult and not depending on my parents. Although dad has already called several times and asked where I am. It's a shame when he heard that I went on such a small journey (if it can be called that), he didn't believe me. They think, I'm completely incapable of anything, even to go to another city for a few days. Even though I've only spoke to my dad, I'm sure my mom has the same opinion.

I really like Brighton. I've even considered moving here for a split second, but even small apartment is quite expensive these days. Given the fact that I'd like to see the ocean from the window, it would be even more expensive. Too much for my blood.

I'm sitting in the same coffee shop where I was two days ago. Now this's my favorite place, although I don't drink coffee usually. Yesterday, after returning from London, I went here and bought the best cake in my life. I have never eaten anything tastier than this. It has chocolate flavour with white chocolate chips. Nothing fancy, but it's the best cake ever.

After the bakery-coffee shop, I go to the pier, because now it's quieter than on the small streets. Or maybe just the wind is louder than the people's voices. The sea still has a positive effect on me. Most likely tomorrow, I'll have to go home to get some rest before art classes. I need to finish a project that I decided to do at home. It doesn't seem to be too bad, but I still don't like it.

I was a little nervous to text to Ella last night, thinking I'd be too needy. Today I have a feeling that I have already missed the right moment. However, I've checked her Twitter. The girl is really popular. She has several million followers. Would someone like her want to be friends with someone like me?

Yesterday I found her YouTube channel with over five million subscribers. I don't know how she managed to gather such a large audience, because it's really a lot. However, I haven't watched any video.

Now, standing on the pier and looking at the sea, I realize I really want to see something from her. It would be weird to go back to my hotel room just to watch someone else's video, right?

Following this thought, my brain comes up with another list of reasons to return to the hotel. Now I really want to get away from all the people, lie in a hot bath to warm up (the cold also gave me a headache) and watch Ella's videos. Maybe after that I'll text her.

On the way to the hotel, I come to the store and buy myself a few groceries so that I'd have something to eat while I'll be relaxing in my room. I also want to take a bath-bomb and bubble bath.

Twenty minutes later and now I'm laying into the bathroom, Ella's channel is already open on the laptop. I want to start with her vlog from yesterday, at least to make sure that my face isn't there. I play it and see a beautiful animated intro, which I already like. In the first clip, the girl in her hotel room, as I quickly guess, she just woke up. Her hair is tangled, but it's tied into a ponytail. Ella looks so happy that it's the first day of vlogmas and she's in Brighton. I like her vibe. The girl's talking about something, but mostly I look at her face: pale skin, a few sore spots, neat nose, gray eyes, small cheeks. She's very beautiful, I love it. Then the picture changes, and she's already putting on makeup and talking about her plans for the day. Few moments later Ella looks completely different, there's a beautiful bright red lipstick on her lips, her hair is straightened. It really suits her. Of course, she's also beautiful without a makeup, no one denies this. Then she goes to the beach to say goodbye to the sea before leaving. Ella talks about how, as a child, she often went with her parents to the ocean. She puts the camera on a time-lapse and calls someone. Because of the fast-paced shooting, it seems that the emotions on her face change in a split second. Then she's already in my car, she says that "the world isn't without good people" and shows how beautiful it can be around. I didn't notice at the time it was beautiful outside of my car. It hasn't snowed yet, but the trees are already bare. The Sun beautifully illuminates the road and the cars ahead.

"I'm editing the video and I've realized that I haven't told you about what happened, who the girl is and why we're going to London together."  Ella's in a hotel room. She has a sloppy ponytail. She still hasn't washed off cosmetics. I guess it's the evening of the same day. Most likely it is. "The fact is that my car broke and, to be honest, I still don't know what's wrong with it. Tomorrow, or rather the day you're watching this video, I'll go back to Brighton and try to do something about it. I don't know what happened. Before that, it had worked properly, nothing suspicious had happened, and now it just ... broke. On my way back to the beach I looked at the trains' schedule to London. But if I had taken the train, I'd definitely have been late for the meeting, which, you know, is not what I needed. It was the situation when you need to arrive on time, or it's better not to come at all. And then Sophie offered to give me a lift to London. She was like an angel, who's sent to save me. Sophie, if you happen to be watching this, thank you very much for your help. So. We had a great trip. Sophie even withstood my singing, although I'm not very good at it. We arrived on time. Everything was amazing. I think that's the whole story. So let's go back to London." Ella shows the streets of London, which is undoubtedly very beautiful.

Then the girl settles in a room and rests, watching "Elf" on TV. Pretty good chill evening. Now I really want to text her, but I don't know what I should say. How to start a conversation? Send a regular message or dm on Instagram? Why is it so hard? Is it like that for everyone?

I type a message, the usual one, but then I delete it, repeat it few times and I want to tweet, but then I change my mind again and go to messages. The final version looks like this:

"Hi. This is Sophie. Let's meet sometime?"

I'm scared to send this message because I have absolutely no idea what kind of response might follow. Will she agree? Or was it really said out of politeness? I don't know. I don't want to look obsessive in her eyes, or incomprehensible, or something like that.