The Sapphic Christmas

31st December. part 1

Ella

Today is the last day when I can fully enjoy the time with Sophie and friends. Then I have to say that I'm going to New York for a while, and long-distance relationships aren't the right idea for me. So it clearly will bring a lot of pain.

I'm scared to do this. It's scary that I ruin everything with my own hands. Maybe, if fate exists, it decided to bring me to Sophie. If it's true, then the same Fate will allow us to meet later, when we're both ready for a serious relationship, for the sacrifices. If not, then... that's the way it should be. Maybe later I'll regret it (most likely I will), but so far, I haven't found a more suitable option. Today is the last day when I can relax in the arms of Sophie.

We've agreed that the she would arrive a little earlier than the rest of the guests and help me finish the preparations for the holiday. Since today we won't be alone, but with my friends, I'm afraid that they may say something not very pleasant to her, because they know how painful it was for me to distance from her. At least Louis knows. However, I've asked them to be quiet and not say anything about New York or how I was going through our fight. I want it to be a holiday, not a show.

Half the morning I'm packing my bags, which I'll take with me to New York. Then I prepare a living room in which we'll sit together. I don't need to do anything special, just move the furniture a little and lay out the blankets with pillows. I want everyone to be super cozy today.

Although today is a holiday, I don't feel it. Probably because I'm very nervous. It's so stupid. Everything that happens around. I should have talked to Sophie earlier, explain everything to her. Maybe we'd find some compromise.

**

We're all sitting in the hall of my apartment, talking, laughing. Next to these people, I feel calm. At the moment it doesn't matter what happens next. We live here and now, don't we? Excellent. I want to be here and now, with my loved ones, under a warm blanket, to feel the smell of delicious cookies and the warmth of Sophie.

It's been a week since Christmas and I know Sophie much better now. I mean, we've spent so much time together that now I feel like we know everything about each other. However, I want to spend more time with Sophie, more days, weeks, months, years, decades.

Let this be my New Year's wish: please, Universe, let me spend even more time with Sophie next year. Can it be not one month, but much more. I don't know how, just let it be true, please. If we can really find a way out of this situation, how can I dream of something else?