The Sapphic Christmas

23rd December. part 2

Ella

I've just got home from my friend's house. We celebrated Christmas together today because we won't have time to meet till New Year. I love them so much, it's nice to spend time together.

I've been spending all the previous days at the office, working and just trying to get everything done before Christmas and the holidays. From the very beginning, I understood that the only way to calmly celebrate all the upcoming holidays is to get all things done before. Well, I had two days off: one was the party, they told us about at the beginning of the month. And yesterday, I've spent all day with friends.

Recently I have found a perfect place in New York to open my coffee-shop. I have place, I have money and people to work with. There's offer for collaboration, the company even would let me make big decisions. However, I'll have to move to the USA for a couple of months or more. I thought about leaving this idea for a while, I'd make the decision in the new year. Well, I couldn't do it, to be honest. I've discussed it with Katerina, she thinks it's great. I have to earn money offline, that's a big step to have my own company. Katerina can't always be with me, but she'll come visit me once or twice a month. Then I talked with Louis, of course he supported me. He always does. I accepted the offer. It seems that awareness hasn't yet appeared in my head. I'm already leaving on the second of January, but I haven't started packing things yet. Yesterday I told big news to my friends, they're happy for me, even though it will be hard for us to be so far away from each other. I know, Lou will come a lot, I have no doubt in it.

Approaching the front door, I see a large box. At some point, I'm afraid that this might pose some kind of threat to me. I take it and go home. It's a gift from Sophie. I don't really want to open it now. We had a fight not long ago and it still hurts me to think about her. The girl became very important to me, I liked her. Maybe I even fell in love with her a little bit. However, she said something that kills me. It's hard for me to think about Soph, about what's going on in her life.

If she gives me something, doesn't that mean she's not really tired of me? Maybe it's not at all what I thought? Maybe she does want to be friends, she doesn't hate me?

I open the present only after walking around the apartment, thinking and worrying. It's something rectangular and big, more like canvas or something like that. But why would Sophie present me a canvas? Although...

I open it quickly, accidently dropping a note. It's a little scary to read the letter, anything could be written there. I unfold it and see Sophie's neat handwriting. I still think she wrote on her knee, because the words don't go exactly along the line, it's visible. And... I'm happy that she then spoke in a state of effect, because it means that Sophie's not tired of me. I continue to open the gift, and it turns out that the Soph gave me a painting. It's me on it... this's the same picture that was taken by Sophie in the pizzeria when I first came to her town. The same painting that her brother pointed to when we decorated Soph's flat. But the girl then quickly switched our attention from her work. So, she's been drawing me all this time?

I need time to think, so I don't text her back at the moment. I go to bed, the best discission will come up at the morning. Questions begin to pop up in my head right away. Could it be that she likes me in a romantic way? Could it be that I need to tell her how I feel? I'm not sure if this's necessary. After all, I'm leaving in ten days. And even if we could start real relationship, we'll have to break it off. Long distance relationship? Sounds very hard and painful. I don't think this's right for me or for Sophie. Maybe I shouldn't text to her. I shouldn't text to Sophie ever, even "thank you" for the gift. What will be the point? We'll start talking and it'll be even harder for me to leave the UK. No, I don't want that. I let her think that I'm an offended ungrateful person who hasn't thank her for the gift.

No, that's not possible. She worked hard to make the painting. Moreover, this's the best drawing that I was given. And I want her to know about it. Tomorrow, I'll definitely thank her, but not today. Suddenly, she'll think that I'm very annoying, or that I always text at the wrong time.  It's okay.

From my bed I see the painting: there's a lot of red and green color: the decoration of the café, I'm in Christmas jumper. I don't look straight to the camera, but Sophie really put a lot of effort on my face. I smile to my camera. It looks real.