The Sapphic Christmas

12th December. part 2

Ella

In the morning I'm able to call Sophie. She seems sleepy and ... irritated or sad. I'm not very good at determining people's feelings, but it's clear right away that she's not happy about my call. Maybe she's offended by the fact that I didn't call yesterday? She's probably right. After all, I suggest her to stay at my place, so we can talk about everything. Maybe we'll even talk about Us. This would be nice.

I don't know what to do with Sophie. I can apologize in person when I come back. Maybe I'll buy her some flowers, cook dinner at my place. What if she's straight? Or she already has a partner? Or she's queer and single, but she doesn't like me in that way? Well, I think it will be okay either way. Can I do anything right now? I don't think so. If nothing depends on me, then what can I do? That's right, nothing. At least not now.

"Let's have breakfast in a cafe?" Alex suggests, and everyone supports it, because no one really wants to cook.

Going out into the street, we see that snow has fallen, still quite fresh, clean. Does a YouTuber or just a childish person can take this calmly? Definitely not. I don't know how he does it, but Louis make a snowball in a second and throws it at me, but it hits Alex. I help Alex against Lou, but he betrays me. We're laughing, fighting, well, having fun. It seems to be nothing unusual; I've really missed this feeling. Like there're absolutely no worries and affairs in the whole word, only this game exists. I have people around me who can share my happiness with me. I want to play with them, talk with them, be in the moment.

Nevertheless, after we've calmed down, we go further towards the cafe, only we haven't chosen the place before living apartment. Hunger takes over the inner child. Especially Louis, who no longer wants to play and gets offended if we throw snowballs at him along the way. Gradually we all calm down and start filming. All at once. Yes, it definitely looks strange from the outside, but who cares? The profession is obligatory.

After the cafe, we go shopping, look at gifts for relatives. We have already prepared everything for each other, we're even going to exchange it on this trip. The questions never leave my head: what happened to Sophie, what can I do? Can I somehow change the situation right now?

I don't even fully understand what happened. Yes, I'm sorry that I didn't get to call yesterday, but she can understand that I actually tried to contact her. So why is she still offended? Maybe she's tired of me? It's possible, but I don't want to believe it. At least not when I'm walking around the fairy-tale city with my friends. Yes, probably, she's just tired of this communication with a person who doesn't know what she wants in life, always talks to the camera. She doesn't like that I can talk and do things so easily? This isn't the first time in my life, I can put up with it. Only when she tells me about that. Then I'll be ready to back off and cut off the friendship if she so desires. If only she would only tell me about it, to my face.