The Sapphic Christmas

3rd December. part 1

Sophie

We've agreed to meet in Brighton on the morning of December 3rd at the pier. I haven't had breakfast, but I have taken shower. I count it as a win. I leave my hotel room, dialing my mother's number as I walk. We haven't talked for days and it's strange that she hasn't asked where I have been all the time. On the other hand, it's quite justified: why should they worry about their clumsy daughter, if there's her older brother, who's always the best in everything. I used to try to change it, but now I don't care about it. Their love is almost completely given to William. Sometimes it hurts, most of the time it doesn't, so I'm good with it.

On the other hand, I'd already talked to my dad on the phone yesterday, most likely he told my mom everything. They always discuss everything that happens during the day at dinner, so it must have come up too.

"Hi, Mom." I say when she answers.

"Hi." Mom says, it doesn't seem like she really cares about me. "I'm just about to go to you". Does she know that I'm not there? But how ... I've told about it, even William knows.

"Mom, I'm not at home right now". I don't know if I should tell everything or get by with short facts. We aren't close enough to share any secret information with each other. "I've stayed in Brighton since the day I took the papers."

"Oh, yes, your father told me, but I assumed you already got back. When will you came back?" Mom asks. I think she's a little angry.

"I don't know"

"It's unsafe for a young lady to be alon..." I don't listen anymore.

It was a mistake to call my mother. I should have texted a message and turn off the phone. Unfortunately, I haven't even thought about it.

"Okay, it's windy here, I'll call you later."

After waiting for her to say goodbye to me, I switch off and quickly go to the pier. It's our first planed meeting with Ella. The third time I see her. The second one, when she will know about it. Now I feel like a creepy stalker.

Walking up to the pier, I notice Ella, who is buried in her phone. I can't see much emotion on her face, so I don't think it's her partner. To be honest, I don't think she's in a relationship now. Yesterday, after I texted her, I successfully went through her socials, and at least openly she's not dating anyone. Does it bother me even a little? It just reassures, because if she had someone, awkward situations could arise, as if they saw us on the street and began to be very jealous or something like that. In general, it doesn't matter. Well, maybe I'd like to think there's a chance we can date, but we don't know much about each other.

However, I've found her coming out as a lesbian post on her inst. She really is out and proud. As a bisexual myself I like to see it.

Just getting closer, I don't know how to greet her. Should I just stand in front of her and wait until she notices me. Or say hello? Will we hug? Probably not. Let's shake hands? About what can we talk? Do we have anything in common? I have no idea. Maybe I should've thought about it before going here. Maybe I have time to leave now before she notices me. No, it's not an option, at least it would be wrong. Moreover, it's not what I want to do. What should I do?

I'm still getting closer to her, overthinking the situation when our eyes meet and she smiles at me. Okay, now I smile back at her, and not look like a complete idiot. This seems to be an impossible task for me. We exchange greetings. She gives me a hug, after a second I hug her back. Well, okay, okay, don't panic, everything is going fine. Her hair smells like mango and macadamia nut. I stop myself from sniffing it again. Good. The first part goes pretty well. What's next? What should we talk about?

"I've watched some of your videos." I slip nervously. Does she want to talk about it? Have I made it weird?

"Oh, and what do you think about it?" Ella seems embarrassed. Nice work, jerk. Now she'll think I'm a weirdo.

"I like it. Especially vlogs, they're very interesting." Oh, god, I sound like a complete creep. However, I've said true, I like the way Ella shoots. A couple of times I really felt that I was in her world, wrapped in the atmosphere of calm and joy. It's pretty nice to be somewhere outside of my brain.

"Thanks."

We're going up the steps to the pier. There aren't many people today, because it's Monday. However, there's more crowded than in my hometown at the same time. Just for example, there's a landmark, this's a square. There's also a small antique shop, but most of the residents aren't very interested in it, because they already have houses like this shop: they breathe in antiquity.

"Would you mind going somewhere for breakfast? I skipped my meal this morning."

"I don't mind. Do you know any good places?" I can't remember a single café in Brighton other than that coffee shop, and I'm not sure she'll like it either. After all, this's just my opinion that it's beautiful there, but Ella might like something completely different.

"Nope and you?"

"There's a nice place, but it's not on the pier itself." Can I say "place" even more?

"Let's go there first, and then come back." That's what we've decided to do. I take my usual hot tea, and Ella chooses a latte. By my advice, she takes "the best ever brownie." The girl behind the cashier seems to like my name for brownie, or at least it makes her smile.

We sit down at a table and I'm looking forward to Ella trying this cake. I want her to admire its taste as much as I do. That would be great. At the same time, I'm terrified by the possibility that she might be disappointed in it. I really should stop overthink it, shouldn't I? 

She's taking a small bit and everything becomes clear without words. It's the best she's ever tried. I'm sure of it. The brownie takes the top five in the list of the best cakes Ella's ever tried for sure.

"Incredible?" I ask with a slight smile.

"The best." She drinks her latte and then eats another piece. I can see the whole spectrum of emotions that's running on her face. It makes me laugh. For a long time, no one could achieve this. I haven't thought about it until the second and I'll think about it later again. "Do you mind if I shoot it?"

"Nope, it's fine." I smile and take a bite of my sandwich for the first time. As soon as I swallow it, I understand that I absolutely don't want to continue eating. I don't know how to describe this feeling, but it appears every time I don't eat for too long, and I really want to, and then comes a sharp rejection of food. Still, I force myself to choke a bit on this croissant because I've paid for this, and I end up eating it and feeling overwhelmed with food and self-hatred.

During this time, Ella shoots food from several angles, and then records a short video in which she speaks. I like to watch her videos on the laptop, but it's also interesting to watch her do it live. She's a bit more enthusiastic, loud, but in a good way.