The Sapphic Christmas

9th December. part 1

Sophie

We wake up for the second time in my apartment, and I hope this won't become a habit. Of course, I like everything about spending time with Ella, but I'm terribly afraid to get attached to all this. If this happens, and then everything ends, then ... it will kill me. I mean, it's been a week since we've met, but she's a part of my life already. I always check my phone to see messages from Ella, always want to spend time with her, always feel warm in my heart when she's around. I'm afraid of the feelings, because it never ends up well... I know it, but I hope our case will be different.

Ella's cooking breakfast this time. She'd started before I woke up in the morning. The vibe in the apartment's amazing. There's forgotten feeling to wake up from the delicious smell of food. This rarely happened even in the parental home.

I change into warm sweatpants and a sweatshirt because it's really cold in the house. Probably I should have turn up the heat since last night. The control panel for the system is in my hallway, where I go right away, without saying hello even to Ella, without brushing my teeth, almost without opening my eyes.

I raise the temperature in the house, and only after that I go into the kitchen to Ella. She's standing near the stove in a large sweater, her hair tied into a bun. I think she hears me come in, but we don't talk. We're in the same room in silence. It's new for me, but I like it a lot. I like spend time with Ella, but talking all the time is exhausting.

There's a Christmas tree in the hall. Yesterday we decided not to decorate, so it would get used to the heat in the house and lower its branches. Something like this. So, the entrance hall, living room and the kitchen in my apartment are already decorated, only the bedroom remains. For the first time, my apartment is ready for the holiday in the first half of the month. It's a little unusual to see all these decorations, and besides, I still don't feel the approach of the holiday.

"Damn," the girl swears, turning to me. "I haven't noticed you, sorry. Good morning." She turns back to the table where she's arranging breakfast on plates.

"Good morning. What are your plans for the day?" Today I'm in the mood to continue work with the paining of Ella. I don't think I could calmly do it around her. I don't want her to see semi-done work, it's all or nothing.

"I'll have to finish editing the video now and upload it, and after that I'll be ready to help you decorate the room and the Christmas tree, of course. What about you?"

"I want to spend some time on drawing, it's for my art classes. Then I have to get some work done, there's a new project." I shrug because I try to pretend that I always live in such a rhythm. Actually, I'm not. "Are you staying for dinner tonight?" It's the most tactful way I could think of to ask how long she'll be in my house. I'm glad to have her here and I love that we can communicate so freely.

"No, I have to go home. I have some trips coming up, so I need to spend couple of days at home." She says this in a completely not joyful tone, as I would imagine these words. It seemed to me that Ella liked to travel, but it turns out that I was wrong.

"Where are you going?"

"To Scotland, I'll be there for a week with friends." I think with whom exactly she's going, because Ella has told me about many of her friends, and I've seen others on her channel. "We try to go somewhere together every year. You know, not to get apart from each other too much."

Yes, I can understand them. It's a pity that we didn't come up with this with my school friends earlier, when it was still possible to improve relations. Now we just lost the connection and, to be honest, no one is trying to restore it. At least I have Andy, everything is fine when he's around.

"Great. Will you call me?" I say it without thinking. Afterword's I feel awkward, I'm ready to literally fall on the spot, but I can't do anything.

"Of course." She smiles as she finally sits down in her seat in front of me, placing two mugs of tea on the table. "Bon Appetit."

"Thank you, bon appetite to you too." We start our breakfast, and the topics for conversation ends again. "It's so tasty." I really like the way the girl cooks. She's clearly better than I am. I think this food can even be compared with my mother's.

"Thanks". She smiles without looking up from her plate. "What are you drawing now?" As I've said earlier I don't want to tell her yet (or ever).

"A portrait of a friend." She seems to be satisfied with this answer, but for some reasons I add: "She's beautiful." I don't know why I've said it. She looks at me with a smile, but seems a little bit sad or nervous.

"Is that the one in your room?" I know that she has already seen a corner of the painting, because I cleaned a little when we arrived. It's not a problem, because she hasn't seen herself.

"Yep. That's one." That's the end of our conversation. After breakfast, I thank her for the delicious food and wash the dishes. When I return to the room, I find Ella on my bed with a laptop on her laps and headphones in her ears. She also edited some video last night, and as far as I know, it takes a lot of time and effort.

My mood has gone, so for two next hours I sit at my desk and translate new texts, essay and news. I hate to read about politics, but sometimes I have to. It's hard to handle the pressure.

I'm starting to fall asleep over my laptop when someone ring the doorbell. Since no one is interested in my life, except for my parents, or rather my mother, and Andy, it's not difficult to guess who came. I hope it's someone else. Well, I can introduce Andy and Ella to each other, but he will say something stupid with in 5 minutes in my apartment.

The miracle doesn't happen, because when I open the door I see Will, my mother is behind him. Damn, this's bad, I don't want my new-born-friendship with Ella to stop, but it will after she meets my relatives.

"Why are you standing at the door?" Will mutters displeased, pushing me away, and my mother follows him. Two seconds later they stop and look at something, and in this case, someone. "Hello." My brother greets Ella, his voice is surprised. The girl answers him the same. She looks confused.

"Will, mom, this's Ella, she's my friend. Ella, this's my brother - William and mom. I hope they'll be happy with this way of getting to know each other.

"Nice to meet you." Mom says first. She doesn't even try to hide her surprise. It seems that my mother hasn't even imagined that this's going to happen in the near future. I feel with my skin her stare. They're not homophobic, but it's hard to process. My family assume all my friends as my secret lovers. Now I'm in my apartment with a girl alone, there's only one explanation: we're doing lesbian-dirty things (I wish) and starting planning our wedding. At least my mother thinks so. Most of the time I don't care about it, but now there's Ella. I don't want her to feel uncomfortable.

"Nice to meet you too, Mrs. Rae." Ella's standing at the door of my bedroom. She carefully looks at my relatives, and I'm already waiting for the moment when she would realize that Will's the best of the two children in our family. Usually, all my friends, after meeting my brother, look at him with admiration.

"Let me cook something for you. Sophie probably forgot about her manners." Of course, Mom, I don't have manners at all. I don't say anything, but go to Ella. If I can't change anything, at least I'm going to be barrier (in a good way) between them.

"Thanks, but we've actually already had breakfast." Ella says, her cheeks become bright pink. She looks cute, I put my hand on her shoulder.

"You decorated the house." This's the third sentence I've heard from Will in a day, and it's about three times more than usual.  "It looks pretty good."

"Thanks. Most of the work was done by Ella."

"Don't be shy, I was just telling you how it would look better, we did it together." We smile each other. That's what friends do: they help you not look like a fool and incompetent in front of your parents.

We go to the bedroom (I don't know why). Will immediately see the painting next to my desk and take it. Crap. He's smart enough to understand who's drawn there. He's rude enough to say it out loud.

"Is it you?" He turns to Ella, showing the drawing. This's exactly what I've expected from him. My brother just needs to put me in an awkward position. He uses literally every opportunity. It's hard not to hate him for it.