The Sapphic Christmas

2nd December. part 2

Ella

I have to go to work in the office early morning, which I really don't want to visit much as an introvert, and I have no choice today. Before I go out, I have to upload a video, text friends (quite often I put off our communication to "later" and then forget), and, of course, start filming today's vlog. Also, very soon I'll have to release a video on the main channel, and I often forget to do this, put it off again, and then try to do the work of several days in one night. Again, this's bad for my health (both physical and mental).

"Hello everyone, today is the second day of December and vlogmas." I hope I won't forget about my intro. "Just look at the view I have from my window." I speak to people I don't see. "I hope I'll have more opportunities to shoot today. It's six o'clock in the morning and I have a lot of plans for the day. At ten o'clock there'll be a lecture in the office. I'll take you with me, and before that I need to lay out and slightly edit the first vlog of this month. Well, you can already watch it, so if you haven't already done it, then pause this video, turn on that one, and then come back."

I put the camera on the window sill for a time lapse, it has a good view of me and the laptop, and it even turns out pretty well. I quickly edit the video and post. At this time, nothing interesting is happening, so I've managed to go to the shower and pick up clothes for the day. One of the disadvantages of being a media personality is the constant compulsion to choose clothes, somehow combine them. Don't get me wrong, I love doing this, but sometimes I just want to put on the oversized hoodie I usually sleep in and comfortable sweatpants and walk around like that for days. Unfortunately, I'm not allowed to do that, because many companies can refuse contracts if they see me like this. In fact, they're quite strict on such criteria.

The video's still loading when I dry and style my hair. Then it's time for my make up routine. I'm not a fan and not really good at this. However, make up gives me some confidence and I like it. Same routine every freakin' day.

I'm ready to go out, but I have free time, so I make an Instagram story. I'm telling my followers about new vlog and new products.

I leave my full suitcase at the exit, as I have yet to stop here. One more night, most likely I'll spend here, and tomorrow I'll go to Brighton to finish all my business with the car. The plan was to leave today, but... it changed. I can't change city everyday, sometimes I want to stay somewhere for days. I'm just tired to be in the road all the time.

Sophie never texted me. In fact, I'm not sure I'll ever get a message from her. Maybe she didn't like something in our drive, but she was too polite to tell me this. If so I'm okay. It's just... I'd like to get to know her. Maybe we could be friends, or more than this. She had a vibe, the atmosphere around here was calm and gay. If I could go back, I'd have asked her for her number and texted myself. Or maybe I wouldn't , who knows. Maybe I'd be scared and uncomfortable to distract her. What if she thinks the same? It would definitely be a (un)pleasant coincidence. Nevertheless, we'd agreed that I would somehow be able to thank her for the help. Now I'm embarrassed that I can't do anything for her.

At the lecture, we're told that before Christmas there'll be a Christmas party for all video bloggers/influencers. Usually I'd pass, but since my friends will also be there, I decide to go too. It would be somewhere out of the town, a cottage or something. Every time I force myself to do something at events like this, to be more extravert, more friendly. Sometimes, this leads to a positive result.  Sometime it doesn't. Anyway, I'm constantly nervous and there's nothing I can do about it.

Right after this lecture, Julie and I go for a walk. We offer to join us other friends, but they already have different plans. However, this doesn't spoil our mood, and we go to an art gallery, which I've never heard of before. I'm not really good at understanding modern art, but I like to watch it.

After the exhibition, we decide to take a little walk along the Thames and look at the usual tourist attractions, all festival and kind of magical. It used to seem like something special to me, but as I get older, I really cooled off. It's still beautiful, but I don't have butterflies in my stomach.

Only when I get to the hotel, I receive a message from Sophie. Should I wait? You know, to look like I have a life and didn't think about her message all the time. Would I look pathetic? I decide to take a shower and then text her back. Or not. What if there's something bad? What if she got in an accident?

While still in the shower, I text a message to Sophie. I don't see anything wrong with replying to messages almost as soon as it arrives. This doesn't make me weak or dependent. Maybe a little bit it does. All of us are a little pathetic, okay? Back off.

"Hey, Sophie. I have no plans for tomorrow, we can meet in Brighton. What time is okay for you?"

"Around 12:00? Where do you want to meet?"

Sophie answers almost immediately. I like it, she makes me feel special.

I don't know where we could go without creating awkward silence. There're many beautiful places in Brighton, but at that moment I can't think of anything. We need something casual, loud, not a café or restaurant, but close to food.

"Good. Maybe the pier?"

"okay"

I have no problem planning tomorrow. After editing 90% of the video, I leave the other ten for tomorrow morning. Anyway, I still have to spend three hours on the train when I go to Brighton. Then I'll finish. Also I should edit the video for the main channel at the train, because I haven't done it today. I have chosen two days a week when I release videos: Thursday and Sunday. So wish me luck with my procrastination.