The Sapphic Christmas

10th December. part 1

Sophie

I spend all morning in bed waiting for Ella to text me first again. I want to do it myself, but it's embarrassing after yesterday. The only useful thing I've done today is turning on the garland on the Christmas tree. I like it, it's Christmassy.

Finally, I can say I have a pre-holiday mood. It's still fifteen days before Christmas, it's only two weeks from Christmas Eve, and I'm just... glad. I don't think that my life will somehow change with holidays, or later with the new year, I just like the atmosphere. Or maybe I'll change something in my life.

I turn on Wham - Last Christmas and put myself in this atmosphere even more. In my mind, Christmas has already arrived. I love this feeling so much; it hasn't been so strong for a long time.

These thoughts led me again to the fact that I should text Ella. It seems that she never leaves my head, the girl will remain there for some time. At least until I take off all the decor, which definitely won't be anytime soon.

"Hi. When can we meet next time?"

Do I sound needy? I decide to start a conversation at least once, which hasn't happened since the moment we met. I just don't want to distract her from something like work or friends, family - from those important things for her. It's painful for me to imagine her interrupting an interesting conversation or looking up from important work and rolling her eyes when she sees a message from me. Of course, I also understand that Ella isn't the kind of person who would roll her eyes in a situation like this, but I still can't help myself.

"Good morning. I'm coming back in a week; we can meet then."

Whole week? It's definitely too long, we've seen each other almost every day. I can't help it, so I just agree, and Ella seems to understand how I feel at this moment, and therefore adds:

"We can FaceTime if you want."

"Yes, it'll be great."

It's fine, I'm glad that we can communicate with Ella, even when she leaves somewhere. Now I don't know what to do with myself. I definitely need to do something, and I don't know what. On the one hand, I'd like to finish my painting. On the other hand, I'd like to go for a trip. Any kind of trip would be great. Maybe it's really worth going somewhere now. Besides, it's already the tenth and I can start buying Christmas presents. I'll need to meet with my school friends. I have few close friends from art class. Basically, that's all. Andy is in every category. How sad is it? He always somewhere close, so he has to go anywhere I go.

Of course, I still need to prepare gifts for the family.  I'm excited to pick something for grandparents. I love them very much. Plus, they'll be happy with literally anything, what's chosen with love. Besides, I like to please them.

I haven't found any food in the refrigerator or in the lockers, so I go back to bed. I need to get up and go to the store, but it seems that today is the worst day to go out of my sweet, warm house. It is cold, crowded and dangerous outside, but at home everything is fine: a warm blanket, a bed that will accept me in any form and at any time, and there's only me here. Solid pluses.

Maybe I should really get shopping online? I'd limit the amount of money and wouldn't worry in front of the cashier that there's not enough money to pay. I wouldn't have to go out and drive anywhere, it should only make me happy, right? No, I still want to go somewhere. It's no longer possible to sit at home. Of course, I love spending time here, but right now I just want to get away from the walls,

As I lie in bed and look out the window, it begins to snow. At first, I think that it would end almost immediately after the start, but it's snowing, snowing, snowing. It's not going to stop. Although this creates an inconvenience on the road now, I'm glad about the fact, because now the spirit of Christmas is really all around. I just want to call my closest friends, make hot cocoa with marshmallows for everyone and watch some holiday movie. Doesn't that sound attractive?