The Sapphic Christmas

26th December. part 1

Sophie

All my friends fine with Ella joining our trip. I think the reason is that they all take their dates with them. I haven't received any messages from Andy, but I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with Ella. It has everything with William and that's the reason I don't really support their relationship. I won't do anything about it, but I know if Andy had to choose between William and me, he wouldn't pick me. We used to be the closest people to each other, but everything has changed since they've started fucking each other. It's sad to lose my best friend to my brother, at least now I have Ella. There's still hope to make things up with Andy, but I'm not sure.

In the morning I drive Ella at her home. Firstly, because everyone needs a little rest from each other, even new born couples. Secondly, the girl packs clothes and other stuff for the trip. So, when I get home at twelve and I'm left alone with myself, I go back to sleep. My sheets still smell like Ella. The last two days have been really festive, full of events, and I certainly like it, but also, it's very exhausting. Now I need to rest, sleep, laying in my bed, and then I'll start packing all my things.

Ella and I have agreed to meet this evening, so the first part of the day promises to be calm for me. When I wake up from my 30 minutes nap, I make breakfast for one. Then I prepare clothes and stuff to take with me, but I'm already tired to put it in my bag. I lie down, just for a bit. I watch Ella's Vlogmas for the days, I haven't seen already. Last thing the girl's filmed for the last day of Vlogmas, which came out on the twenty-fifth in the morning, is my apartment. It seems that at that moment I was making a little snack for us, and she quietly wished everyone a Merry Christmas, and to find "such good friends who will take you to their family Christmas dinner." I'm pleased to hear this from her, because up to this point I haven't consider myself a good friend, but it looks like I can still be one.

True, now I don't think that we could just be called friends. Anyway, I'd like more, but how to ask her about it? I'm not sure if I have the courage. Should I even ask it?

I hear knock on my door. I go to open it, thinking about I can get robbed or killed now, or both. Well, at least it was the best two days before death. However, it's Andy. He looks angry, sad and wet (from the snowfall).

"Can I come in?" I nod. Everything is same, as it was some days ago. Only now it's a little bit my fault and I know it. "What the fuck did you say to Will?" He starts when we're at the kitchen and I'm making our tea.

"Don't yell at me. I didn't anything wrong." I don't turn around. I know it wasn't okay to be rude and out him in front of Ella. However, I'm not going to be sorry. His words and actions were killing me for years. "He said he wanted to know my girlfriend better, I said I know his boyfriend pretty well. That's it." I have to look at him now, because I'm afraid Andy won't believe me.

He scans my face for a minute to find the lie, but there's none. When he gets it, he sighs and falls at the couch. "Will doesn't want to go with us, because he thinks you hate him. And he's afraid you'd out him."

"Really? He's afraid, poor boy. He's been rude to me for years; he treated me like shit and hasn't apologized for it not once. If he doesn't want to go, it's fine with me."

"What if he apologizes, can he come?"

"I don't care. If you want him to come, fine, I can ignore him. Don't put me in the middle of this."

"But he's worried about you. He wants to make up with you. Can you be kinder to him?" That's my turn to stare at him. I want to say, that their relationship effects on me too much, I want to be alone and I don't need a friend who doesn't hear my words. He knows the pain, I was feeling all the time, he knew from the beginning.  He didn't try to do anything with Will, but I have to be loyal? I better find new friends. However, I don't say a word, bite my tongue, count to ten and then answer: "Fine." It's easier, I don't want to deal with the drama right now.

We sit for 5 minutes in silence and then Andy leaves. I'm furious at both of them. Why does they have to be so stubborn? Why is it still a problem? I'm okay to be around Will, as long as he doesn't talk to me. It was okay at Christmas eve, why does he make it harder now?

When I'm all packed and going to chill on the couch there's knock on my door again. It's Andy again, I open the door. I haven't seen William behind friend's back, but it's too late to shut the door.

"What do you want?" I cross my arms at my chest.

"Can we come in?" I want to say no, but nod and let them in. "We won't take o lot of your time, Will has something to say." We stand in the hall, they are still in their jackets, hats. Okay, it seems they really won't take a lot of time.

"I'm sorry." Willian says, he doesn't look to my eyes. "I'm sorry for being rude, for being the worst big brother for you I could ever be. I love you. When you came out, I realized I was queer too and it really scared me. So, I was angry at you, because you were open, happy. I wanted to be out, but it felt impossible. Plus, I have a thing for your best friend, it made things worse. But he talked to me, told me how hard it was for you. I'm sorry for not being around when you needed me. If there's any chance you could forgive me, I would do anything for you. I love you"

I feel tear somewhere close. I want to forgive him; I want to hug him and say that I love him too and I've never stopped. But I can't. He has really hurt me. I look in William's eyes. He doesn't look like himself: where's his confidence, his power.

"Okay. We can try it." I hug him, putting my face at his shoulder.

I hope everything will be okay. I hope we'll find a way to be the right siblings for each other. Andy and William leave, they have some other plans. 

Looking at the clock, I realize that it's already time for lunch. Since I don't feel like cooking at all, I order a small cheese pizza and French fries. I clean a bit, wash my dishes.

After my lunch is brought to me, all my friends decide to call and discuss small details that we haven't talked about. Of course, Ella's also on our group call. Andy and Will are at the same car, but each one of them on their phone. They all get to know each other quickly and we discus check-in time, but Ella and I go there that night, others have some kind of plans. Plus, we have to stop by the store for some food and batteries. My friends quickly become friends with Ella, it's not even surprising. How can someone not find a common language with this angel? I don't know how, but she finds an approach to everyone, without exception, even my fierce relatives fell in love with her.

Immediately after lunch, I quickly get ready. Since our rented house is located north of London, we've decided to meet in the capital. This's very convenient, because Ella's car still broke down, and therefore she has to use public transport (she doesn't want me to pick her up). And it's easiest for my girl to get to London.