his weakness

10| touch me and you'll burn.

K E N Z I E

The fear of losing my mom consumes my thoughts relentlessly. Despite my best efforts to distract myself, her leukemia diagnosis persists in haunting my mind. Yesterday felt like a whirlwind, a fog of confusion and disorientation enveloping me throughout the entire day. It's only been a day since the news hit me, and the reality of my mom's diagnosis feels surreal, as if it hasn't quite sunk in yet.

Tomorrow marks the end of the weekend, and it's when I'm supposed to head back 'home' since school starts again. But I'm torn because leaving my mom alone feels like leaving her vulnerable, especially during this time when anything could happen.

Earlier I hurried to the shops, and I swiftly gathered the items my mom needed. I don't waste a second, racing back to find her seated on the same couch where my emotions overflowed yesterday. Gently, I place the bag filled with all the necessities she requested beside her, hoping to offer some comfort and support.

"I'm not leaving you here by yourself now that I know the truth," I tell her while taking a seat on the couch right next to her. I watch as she opens her mouth to say something and I know she is going to say no but I quickly interrupt her and let her know, "And I'm not asking you, I'm telling you."

"I know you want me to be safe which I am but you aren't going to be staying here at all. The school is far away from here and my apartment is way too small for you to be living here permanently, you also know your father won't allow that. You can always come over after school for however long you want though." My mom says as she runs her hands through my hair.

"I couldn't care less about what dad has to say. He doesn't care about me and he doesn't even notice me around. I doubt he'll acknowledge the fact that I'm not even home. Mom I'm not going to lose you or even let anything happen to you, just let me stay with you please." I plead, becoming frustrated now. I know I am asking my mom about her letting me stay and live with her like I'm not being held captive by Nolan at the moment.

"I'm going to be perfectly okay, I've been living by myself these past few days and look I'm fine. And your dad does care about you, I know he does."

"I love you but you can't stay with me. Come visit me tomorrow once school's finished okay?" I may be stubborn but I get it from my mom. She's always been stubborn like this and I know I won't be able to change her mind because I never have succeeded in doing so.

"Dad's coming back today." I whisper not making eye contact with my mom.

"Oh well are you going to leave early to go meet him?" There was no fucking way I am going to leave my mom earlier than usual to meet my dad whose coming soon from his week long business trip.

"You really think I'm going to leave you just to meet him huh?" I snort..

"I don't because I know you'll always love me more than your father no matter what and I honestly don't blame you. I'm just the best." My mom chuckles, trying to lighten up the mood.

"Yeah you really are the best mom," My eyes almost start getting a little teary knowing I can lose her anytime from now on, "And that's why I can't lose you, so if you ever leave me I won't ever forgive you." I laugh lightly, blinking rapidly before a tear drops down my cheek.

"You know when I found out I was pregnant with you, I thought from that moment on, my life would completely fall apart but I was wrong. You were the only thing that managed to heal me. And it's crazy how I was about to take my own life but you were sent to me as a miracle from god and I'll forever be thankful. You've always been the only reason why I'm still here. You saved me  and I love you more than anything in this world. Thank you for being the best thing that's ever happened to me in my entire life." I smile as my eyes fail to not get watery.