his weakness

27| jealous.

N O L A N

I don't remember the last time I had slept this peacefully. I haven't had my nightmares either and I know the reason why. Kenzie. She's been there for me and with me the whole night, I can feel her presence next to me. Well, not next to me. Under me since I somehow ended up sleeping on top of her.

But sleep isn't something I usually get. I'm either always too busy to sleep or too scared to. After the argument we had, I didn't sleep. I came back late from visiting mom's house. It was somewhere far away from the city, I still have access to it.

It wasn't the house where I had lost her, it was the one she grew up in. I found comfort there the way I find it whenever I feel Kenzie's presence near me.

I don't remember much from last night, only a few things. Fucking Kenzie is one of the things I definitely remember and won't forget about anytime soon. And falling asleep in her room felt more right than sleeping in my own.

I can feel the breaths Kenzie is taking while sleeping, I have waken up early since I fell asleep early. It's around 8am and usually everyone wakes up around noon.

I don't want to move from the position I have been lying in for more than a few hours. I needed that sleep. My head is on Kenzie's chest while I have my hands wrapped around her waist and she has her hands resting on my head.

Watching her sleep helps me realise a lot of things. I don't treat other girls the way I treat her. I refuse to like girls, and have relationships with them. It's all a waste of time, which is why I stick to having one night stands. Sometimes when I fuck girls more than once, I get rid of them straight away when knowing they're getting attached to me.

I make them know how much of a shitty person I am and that they deserve better. I don't enjoy breaking girl's hearts at all but sometimes I have no choice but to do so. I can't let them fall in love with me, I don't want to hurt them but that's what ends up happening all the time.

Having sex with girls has become a habit now, it's a way I like to cope with things. Whenever, I can't stop thinking about something I call whatever girl is available for me and just fuck them to take my mind off it.

But with Kenzie, I don't use her like that. Everything in me was telling me to kiss her lips and I did which led to us having sex. During it, all I could think about was how beautiful she is and how she can make me lose my mind without even trying. This isn't me. There's nothing different about Kenzie, she's the same as most girls so why am I attracted to her in this certain way.

I look at her the way I don't think I've ever looked at another girl like, she's intoxicating. Everything about her is starting to seem addicting. She has so much control over me, I don't think she even realises what I'd do for her. It's crazy how my thoughts have changed over a span of few weeks. 

It's the way she's not scared of me that makes me more into her. She's not scared of anyone, she knows how to defend herself. I like that about her, a lot. Probably one of my favourite things about her.

I've never had to deny my feelings for anyone because I've never had any for anyone but I know I'm starting to develop shit for Kenzie. Not even develop, I know I like her.

When I had walked into her house, seeing her lip bleeding I felt a type of anger in me I have never felt before. I hadn't stopped thinking about that day. Who was after Kenzie? I have a lot of people hate me. I have to find out who sent that man to hurt Kenzie and to take her away from me.