When he looks at me, something ignites. It's like there gasoline in my veins, and he is a spark that just sets me on fire. It's painful thought. He lights me up, and I feel so alive, but I'm still burning. I have burns on my skin and in my lungs and...
There he stood. Black tee shirt hugging his chest perfectly, his hair messy yet still sitting perfect. The room fell in awkward silence and the tension in the air was thick. After he came in Ellie left leaving us alone and I never thought I would say this but I wish she was still in the room because this silence is killing me, I always hated how I can never get into his head and know what he was thinking it always got to me in my core. ''Maya I know you're mad at me for keeping this a secret and the way I act-'' ''But you're sorry right?'' I cut him off quickly with my sarcasm raising a eye brow at him.He takes a deep breath of defeat before sitting next to me on the bed looking at me making my body go cold like it always has with him. ''I was never good enough for you. I wish I was but I wasn't never have been never will.I don't know how to be what you want or what you need more importantly, I know no matter what I say you'll never forgive me and that's fine but please know that I love you and always will with every breath that I have I love you Maya and that will never ever change no matter how much you hate me for my stupid immature actions. I'm truly sorry but I know I don't deserve you're forgiveness.'' He finishes, meaning every word he spoke truly with his heart and whole being and I feel my chest beating out of my chest.I'm silent I don't know what to say to that. I hate myself for wanting to forgive him because what he did was wrong but I can't just go back to the same cycle we was always faced. I take a deep breath and finally speak up. ''Thank you Josh... But I think it's better if we just stay away from each other.'' I notice his face and whole body tense up once the words leave my mouth but I can't keep going along with this and letting him string me along in this mess. He nods not saying another word and slowly gets up leaving the room. Can you guess what I did next? Yep cry like I always do but I can never help it with Josh he makes all these emotions come out of me. Three weeks later It's been three weeks. The longest Josh and I have went without speaking and I would be lying if I said my heart didn't long for him, but I always push it back in my head and say to myself I have plans for myself for a future and I need to focus on that. Things have been weird around here.Lucas and Riley broke up about two weeks ago stating they grew apart and are still good friends which I think is nice and I'm a little jealous of, they can still be good friends and be around each other unlike Josh and I who just ignore each other and pretend the other dose not exist. Ever since Josh and I officially ended things everyone went back to there own groups I guess, it's weird was Josh and I blended our two friend groups together? It's just Farkle, Riley,Lucas and I. However I'm okay with that it's like the old days and that's okay sometimes change is not the best I guess, okay maybe I'm lying on that. ''Are you sure you're okay with coming to the party tonight?'' Riley asks me while we stand near the lockers with Lucas and Farkle. There's a end of the year party at Farkle's house tonight however Josh and his friends are coming but I won't let that stand in my way. ''For sure after the year I've had I deserve it.'' I assure Riley.I notice Josh walking down the hall with Riker and I can't help but keep my eyes on him.He must have noticed me looking because he turned his head and looked at me for the first time in three weeks since he came to my apartment. I quickly looking away getting nervous, the feeling is still there when he looks at me. The fire inside me when his eyes are on me the way I feel electric and close to him just with a simple look and it always reminds me of the happy moments we spent together. Riley, Lucas, Farkle and I walk to our last class of the day then head home to get ready for the party tonight and I'm nervous but excited to let this year be over with, I get ready at my house not wanting to bump into Josh even though I'll see him tonight but that's different.I put on a short green sparkly dress thinking it might be to much I mean it defiantly is to much but it's the last party of the year so why not.
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I leave my blonde waves loose and apply more makeup than usual. This is it. Next year I'm focusing on school, getting into college and me. That's it. I throw on my heels and text Riley I'm on the way.
A/N TWO MORE CHAPTERS LEFT IN THIS BOOK AHHHH. Anyways go read my new book ''GIRL MEETS BABY" and "BABYGIRL" there is joshaya is that one to. And Peter Stark And Luna Please comment and vote love y'all
