24 - all because of you

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(chris' pov, earlier at 5:04pm)
i was lying on my bed scrolling through tiktok. my for you page was full of edits of me, matt and nick. it was nice seeing them.

i had spent the last 15 minutes on my for you page when i stumbled across an edit which i found weird..
it was just a normal edit of me, but the caption..

"OMG THE TRIPLETS ARE GOING TO NYC!! YOU KNOW I'M ALR GOING😽😽"

huh? how did they know? we haven't told anyone yet.. elmer wouldn't tell.. so who was it? i swear we didn't tell anyone else, apart from-
MADDIE

i looked in the comments, in shock. i found a comment asking how they knew and they responded saying that maddie said on her live.

what. the. fuck.
even after we told her not to.
shit, we had already spent money on that venue but now we couldn't do it. all because she had revealed it on live. our plans were ruined.

(don't ask why they can't do it now just go along with it and pretend there's like a special reason they can't do it)

i went into nicks room, where matt was, in shock.
"what? what is it, chris?" nick asked.
i showed them both my phone.
"look at the caption" i said. they both took a few moments to read, and then their eyes widened.
"what the fuck" nick said, his eyes glued to the screen.
"wait what? how did they know? we literally didn't tell ANYONE" matt asked.
"it was maddie" i replied
"what? why?? how do you know it was her?" nick asked.
"because someone in the fucking comment section said she said it on her live stream yesterday, even after we told her not to!! great, now we've lost money."
"oh my fucking god this is bad" matt said.
"i'm calling that kid to get her ass home RIGHT now" nick said.
we all called up maddie but no replies. she had her location off on snapchat all the time so i never knew when she was online anyways. we spammed her messages telling her to come home. she wasn't seeing them. either she was ignoring us or she genuinely wasn't seeing them.

we were pissed.

(back to present, 5:48pm, maddie's pov)
i went up the stairs after taking my shoes off to the kitchen, to see my three brothers pacing around, looking worried and angry at the same time. they all looked at me.
"what did i do??" i asked.
"maddie you KNOW WHAT YOU DID" chris shouted, coming towards me.
why were they so angry?? chris never shouted at me, so it caught me off guard.
i jumped back in shock.
"maddie why would you say we're going to new york when we SPECIFICALLY told you NOT to???" nick demanded, coming up to me.
shit. they did know.
"n-no i didnt"-
"yes you DID!! OH MY FUCKING GOD WE ARE GONNA LOSE SO MUCH MONEY NOW BECAUSE OF YOU!!! don't you SEE what you've done??" chris shouted, so so angry at me. he had never shouted so loud at me. ever. i was scared.
"maddie we trusted you to not tell anyone and you still did. bro, i don't even know if we can trust you anymore" matt said. he was the last person who i thought would say that.
"wait you're gonna lose money? why??" i asked.
they never told me they'd spent money on the venue already? they said they didn't know if they were even doing it?
"because we've booked the venue but now the fans are gonna go crazy so we need to cancel. so thanks maddie. this was supposed to be a fun event for everyone but now it's fucking ruined." nick said.
"stupid kid" chris said. i looked around.
"i didn't mean it"-
"just go to your fucking room, maddie. you've done enough." matt said.
i stood in silence.
"but guys i genuinely didn't mean it"-
"JUST GO TO YOUR ROOM!!!" they all screamed. i ran to my room and slammed my door. i made sure i slammed it loud because i was so angry with myself.
i really was a burden. i really did ruin everything.

(7:59pm - tw: self harm)
i had spent the last two hours crying my eyes out in my room. none of my brothers had spoken to me and i hadn't spoken to them. i hadn't left my room since they shouted at me, but i didn't blame them. it was all my fault to be honest. i hated myself for this. i'm literally making them lose money now. i felt like a horrible person. i wish my mom and dad were here.

i looked over to my desk, my eyes red and puffy and filled with tears.
i knew it was in there somewhere.
i pulled myself out of my bed and opened one of the drawers. i saw the pocket knife.
i hadn't done this in a while.
i picked it up and cut my wrists. it hurt. and stung. but i knew it deserved it. i knew deep down everyone would be better off if i wasn't there. i knew that no one liked me. my brothers probably hated me. macy probably was using me for my brothers.
"sadistic bitch"
"your fucking anxiety problems ruin everything"
"all because of YOU"
"look what you've done now"
i looked down at my wrists. they were bleeding so much. but i didn't care.
the blood was dripping down my arm. i grabbed a tissue and started dabbing it so that it wouldn't stain my bed sheets. it gradually stopped bleeding but was still very red. i got into bed and cried myself to sleep.
4 months clean down the drain.
shit, what the hell was wrong with me.

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