The Lyre: Harry Styles Fanfiction

I Don't Exist If I Don't Have Her

(Zayn)

"Zayn", I heard someone say while rubbing my arm, bringing me out of my deep sleep.

"Zayn", I heard again, now recognizing the voice as Kalila's.

"Mmm", I sounded out as I turned onto my side.

"Zayn, are you okay?", she said, quietly.

My brain slowly began to work, trying to sort through the groggy blackness of my dreams.

I cracked open an eye and a blurry Kaly came into focus. She looked even more concerned than she sounded.

"Zayn, what happened? You wanted to pick me up from the club, but you never showed up, so I drove home. We found you passed out on the floor of your office, a bottle of vodka next to you", she said, quietly.

I was confused by every single thing she said. I asked my first question.
"We?"

"Me and Gwen. She spent the night", Kaly answered.

I opened both eyes and took in a deep breath, then yawned. My mouth tasted like vodka and I didn't remember taking one sip of it.

She found me passed out in my office?

I slowly sat up, seeing that I was on top of the covers of my bed, fully clothed in what I wore yesterday.

"Let me think", I said, closing my eyes and rubbing them with my thumb and index finger. I tried to think of my last memory of yesterday.

Kaly called me in a panic
Yes, the flood
It had flooded here

Images started ricocheting through my mind in flashes.

Drive to the beach house
Workers everywhere

Kaly
Spa

Black lace
Nipples
CHERYL

Cheryl was at the back door
She wore next to nothing

Images of what happened next flew through my thoughts and I suddenly felt my heart in my throat.

I looked over at Kaly, waiting for me to speak.
My heart began to beat rapidly as the flashes went through my mind.

Call to Kaly
Stay, I'll pick you up
Getting Cheryl wine

"I'm pregnant"

Cheryl's words rang through my ears like an echo, repeating themselves, making them more and more real.

I felt the tactile memory of the skin of Cheryl's neck against my hands as I squeezed, lost in a panic, fundamentally insane.

Sheer desperation claimed my very existence.

My entire future with Kalila dissolved before my eyes, remembering Cheryl's words.

I'm pregnant
I'm pregnant
I'm pregnant

I must have blacked out.
Nothing else happened.
It was like time stopped and I woke up here, now with Kaly.

"What happened, Zayn?", Kaly asked, gently, putting her hand on my shoulder.

I don't know why, but I flinched from her touch and immediately tried to camouflage my level of panic.

"Ha, uh, sorry, Love. Bad dream", I smiled at her and she seemed to buy it.

"I want to talk to you about something", she looked happy and serious. I rubbed my temples and stood up.

"Okay. Let me just...I need some water. Let's go to the kitchen", I kept my voice level, steadying myself until I could think about what to do.

"I want to go to college. I want to be a child psychologist", Kaly said while I got a glass. I froze at her words.

"A chi...wha...", my mind was racing with too many things to concentrate on, I couldn't form a word.

I downed all the water in my glass and took a deep breath. Squeezing the back of my neck with one hand, I turned to face her.

"Why? Kalila, you know I'm going to take care of you...."

"Zayn, it's not about earning money. You've always given me everything I've ever wanted. It's about wanting to help kids who need it", Kaly looked at me with big eyes, making me ache to give her anything she wanted, like always.

We stood in the kitchen and argued about this idea of her going into psychology, the whole while Cheryl's voice was haunting me.

I'm pregnant

I pushed the words away, forcing my attention on Kalila.

"This is just so out of the blue. You've never expressed any interest in college", I looked at her.

"I didn't have any until now. Maybe I'm just getting older and want to contribute something back to society. Be useful", she looked at me, hopeful, nearly breaking my heart.

Think about where this could lead
End this
Take control

"I understand what you're saying, Kalila, but the answer is no", I said, mustering up every authoritative cell I had.

Soften up
Don't be aggressive

"I care way too deeply about your wellbeing. I have to put my foot down about this. I have to protect you", I looked into her eyes and she looked down with disappointment, a look that I never wanted to see on her face.

She nodded her head, sadly and I rapidly blinked tears away.

No
Be strong
You're protecting her
She doesn't know

Just then, a girl appeared in a doorway of the kitchen.
Kaly straightened and put on a smile.

"Gwen! Good morning! Gwen, this is Zayn", She said and I heard the slight waver of her voice, but I put on a smile, too.

I walked over, politely shook her hand and put my other hand on her shoulder, noticing the shiver I gave her, which I intended.

"It's nice to meet you, Gwen. I hope you were comfortable last night", I said and we exchanged some friendly words.

"Ladies, I have to get moving. Gwen, it was a pleasure to meet you. Kalila, I've got to shower and get dressed for a meeting I have in the city, but will be here at six-thirty to pick you up for dinner", I said, making myself calm and definite.

After kissing Kaly's forehead, I walked to my room, then into my bathroom and exhaled a breath I was holding.

"Fuck", I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were bloodshot, irritated from sleeping in my contact lenses.

I took them out, put them in their case, got in the shower and let the hot water wash over my tense body.

I'm pregnant

I squeezed my eyes shut and began to sob.