(Repeat Dear Yessie By Jessie Reyez)
Zhavia's Point Of Veiw
Saturday
September 11, 2016
I wake up to a migraine, probably from all the crying. I get out of bed, seeing my reflection in my mirror, I'm a mess. My phone was on the charger when I unplug it looking at my notifications. Dolan overload, all my new messages are from no one but Ethan and Grayson. The texts are all the same, 'Can we please talk?' 'Sorry' and 'I hope you're okay'.
All I can think about are three things. My mom called, Grayson rejected me, and Ethan and Grayson know I know. However, there is only one thing I want to, and plan on focusing. Cross country, I need to put all this negative energy I have into that and focus on it. I go to my dresser and pull out some workout clothes.
I take a snap of my workout clothes after my shower and add the caption, 'focus'. I then pull my hair up, put my phone in my pocket, and put my earbuds in. When I get downstairs, I see my my dad and he signals me to take my earbuds out. "Yeah?"
"You sure you don't want something to eat before you go on your run?" He asks holding some pancakes. "Thanks, but I'm sure. I think I'm going to cut back on the carbs, thanks though." I smile before heading out. When I get outside, there is nothing but me and the road. I stretch a bit before taking off. I smile feeling the wind fly past me, blow in my ears the wind always makes me feel like I'm flying when I run.
One of the many reasons I enjoy this. The smell of fresh air, and the warm sky makes me feel safe. I run for about hour straight before I stop to catch my breath. I've only been able to run for about an hour straight when I'm really upset or really determined. I try to catch my breath when I start to choke on it. My own thoughts start to attack me. All I can think about is everything I'm trying not to think about.
I feel like I'm back in my room sobbing again last night. I'm about to feel backwards when I feel someone catch me. "Whoa, Z, you almost passed out breath." It's Ethan, he helps sit me down on the side walk and hands me a bottle of water. I don't want to but I drink it, calming down feeling better. "What was that?" I shrug not wanting to talk to him.
"If there is one thing your good at it's running, and you almost just passed out." I get up and shrug. "I'm fine I just pushed the limits, it's no big deal." I'm about to start running again when her stops me grabbing my wrist making me turn around. "Pushed the limits? Does this have to do with that shady phone call you got yesterday? You always do this when you're upset. You can talk to me we were friends once-"
"Were, we were friends. In fact let's touch on that. We are no longer friends and will never be again, and you have to have lost your goddamn mind if you think we will ever be a couple. Any chance of either of those happing died when you and your brother decided I was worth a hookup and twenty bucks. So yeah, I'm pissed and I'm pushing the limits because I'm sick of this shit. I want you to leave me the hell alone." I cross my arms feeling myself becoming pissed.
"It was a year ago, we were idiots, that bet wasn't even what you think it was."
"So it wasn't about who I'd give in to first? I'm sorry, I mean who could bag me first?" He looks down not telling me I'm wrong. "It was, yes but then it wasn't."
"Then what was it? Do tell." Im waiting, yet again he says nothing. "I'm sorry that your mom called." He changes the subject, I knew Grayson told him. "I'm going to kill Grayson-"
"Grayson, what? I know because I saw your text to Cam, you told Grayson?" He sounds hurt. "I had just found out, he asked me what was wrong and I confided in him. I was hurt okay I sill am." I say the last part lowly. "I asked what was wrong too, instead of confiding in me you snapped at me." His voice is drenched in annoyance.
"I snapped at him too, I'm equally pissed at both of you I'm just more pissed at my mom that I am both of you put together." I shrug and he nods. "Despite what you may think I really do care about you. I'm sorry about the stupid bet, really. I'm sorry that we made you feel like you were only worth twenty buck." He says seriously. I nod at first seriously before I laugh making both of us laugh.
"Prostitutes are worth more." I laugh being able to find this a little funny. "And you would know how much a prostitute is worth how?" He asks making me laugh harder.
Grayson's Point Of Veiw
Saturday
September 11, 2016
After watching her story I was going to look outside to see if she was still running. When I do I look to see her with Ethan, laughing. I guess she listened to him, she sure didn't seem interested in trying to hear what I had to say yesterday.
I wanted to kiss her, I really did, but it would have been wrong it would have been taking advantage of her. She needed a friend in that moment. She can't begin to know how I feel about her. I just hope that even if she doesn't want me like that, I hope she doesn't get with Ethan.
I don't think I could take that, that's if either of us honestly have a chance. I wish I could tell her, everything. There's just so many things she doesn't know.
