(Repeat Dear SAME SIDE By Jessie Reyez)
Zhavia's Point Of Veiw
Sunday
September 12, 2016
"So you don't want to talk to her?" Cam asks confused about my mom. "Of course not, I don't want her back here, she chose to leave. So she should stay gone." She looks at me as though she's calling my bluff, I'm serious though. She couldn't take being a mother to me for this long so she should keep it that way.
"You don't think I belive that, do you Z? If you really wanted her to stay gone you wouldn't have kept that dice all this time." I look at her pissed, that she would even bring that up. "The dice is for me, not her. It's to remember that... you know what? I don't have to explain myself." I shrug, I don't even really want to talk about this right now.
"Fine, what did your dad say about this?" I shrug again knowing I haven't told him. I don't know how to, I don't know how he will react.
"Zhavia Michelle Fields, do not tell me you didn't tell your father?!"
"Fine I won't." It comes out in a cautious tone.
"You can't keep this from him, she was his wife, your mother. He loved her-"
"So did I!" I say cutting her off, I don't mean to yell but I do. She's talking to me like I'm not hurt, just because I don't want to talk about it doesn't mean I'm not hurt by it.
"Then act like it Z, because I hate to do it but I'm you best friend. Part of that job is calling you on your shit, and right now your acting like you don't care." I look at her pissed, pissed because I know she's right, and she knows that. She always does but I don't want to focus on this.
"Okay, I think I should go home." I came here, to talk to my best friend and not think about anything. I get up and she tries to stop me. "Bro you can't go home, your dad and his date are at your house. You're staying the night."
"Ugh! Fine, maybe I am but I don't have to sleep in here."
"Whoa whoa whoa, I hope you don't think you're sleeping in E or Grays room. We have boundaries Z."
"I'm very much aware of that."
"Were you very much aware of that when you kissed my brother. Even though we have a strict no siblings rule." I knew it! She was being passive aggressive all week I knew she had to know.
"Even though we have a strict no siblings rule, I can sleep where I want." I say mimicking her. "Now you're being childish, and a bitch!" That's it.
"I'm going for a run!" I grab my shoes, storm out of her room, downstairs and out the front door. I do my stretches warming myself up. She was just trying to tell the truth, but why does she have to be such a bitch about it? Right when I'm about to take off the front door opens. I stop when I see that it's Grayson. I haven't talked to him since Friday night.
"I didn't know you were over. Are you going home?" I shake my head no, this is a little weird. "Um, no Cam and I just got into a screaming match and I just need to work this off." He nods not looking at me, he's never acted like this around me.
"I just wanted to talk you, about the other night-"
"It's fine I was a mess. You were just trying to help me and I got carried away. I read the situation wrong and got pissed because it was better than being embarrassed, I'm sorry."
"Don't be, you didn't read it wrong. I definitely... wanted you to want to but you were upset and..."
"And?" I ask confused as to why he's stepping closer to me. "And I knew you always wanted to kiss me deep down. Admit it, you like me Fields." He says making me giggle, I need this. As much as I cannot stand Grayson, I need his annoyance right now. "Like you? I could never." My smile takes over. "Oh but you could, and you do. I'm growing on you. Admit it you want me." He whispers the last part seductively making me laugh at him.
"You're so full of it you know that?"
"I should be, I got you to like me." He says with a smirk, I playfully roll my eyes. We just stand there, staring at each other. "Listen, we-" It's like he knows I'm about to say something to stop this. He takes a step farther, he lifts his hand to my face, caressing my cheek.
I want him to but I don't. He pulls me into him connecting our lips, and I swear it's like everything that's worrying me melts away in our kiss. His hand glides from my chin to my jawline, pulling me into him like he doesn't want to let me go. My head turns deepening the kiss making the most of this, because I know exactly what comes next. I pull my hand away from his jawline, pulling away from our kiss and I finish saying what I started.
"That can never happen again I'm sorry." I whisper while we're still close to each other. He looks at me confused searching my eyes as though they hold the answer. "I'm not going to lie to myself Grayson. I know what you want okay, I'm all for having fun but I want a relationship. I don't want that with you." He steps back looking a bit hurt, but for what? You know what he wants Zhavia.
"I don't understand." He says shaking his head to himself. "I know you and Ethan made that bet a long time ago-"
"Z, no you don't understand-"
"No you don't understand just let me speak okay. I herd you guys make the whole bet. Look, you're a dick to me-" He scoffs knowing I don't make it easy for him to be nice to me.
"But, it works for us. I know you feel the need to protect me, but it's like you don't see that you and Ethan are the only guys who had, have the power to make me feel like shit. I will never admit this again ever, so I'm going to say it once. I unknowingly had a crush on you two back then. When you two started being nice to me I thought it meant what I felt wasn't one sided. Then I herd you two make that bet and it made me feel shallow ok. It made me hate myself, it made me feel like there's something wrong with me." I let it out, pure raw honesty.
"I'm sorry we made you feel that way Z, honestly, because I do feel the need to protect you-"
"Only because you feel like I'm yours, I don't want to be a competition between you and Ethan. Not anymore." I shrug stepping back, before he can speak I take off,
running.
