(Repeat Where Did I Go? By Jorja Smith)
Zhavia's Point Of View
Saturday
October 24, 2016
Finally, my safe space, my room. I fall back with my arms out letting my bed catch me. My mom probably won't call me for another two weeks all because I didn't answer in time. What if she never calls back? I wasn't entirely daughter of the year last time we talked...
I get that I let my anger get ahead of me but it's just easier to be mad than hurt. I still want to talk to her and to know everything. Maybe it's better if I just never know.
Suddenly there's a knock at my door, a sigh of annoyance leaves my mouth, I get up going to open the door anyways. "Dad what is it, I just got here-" Well she definitely isn't my dad, it's Cam.. "If it's a bad time I can come back, I just wanted to talk." My shoulders shrug and I open the door all the way so she can come in.
"It's not a bad time, you can come in what's up?" I close my door once shes's in my room and hop on my bed sitting down, criss cross apple sauce style. As always she takes a seat on my couch and faces my bed so we can see one another. "Does something have to be up? Can't I just come talk to my best friend?" She laughs and part of me wants to laugh with her, because part of me believes that I am no doubt her best friend, but recently it just doesn't feel that way. It's be easy to blame Julissa, but I know it's not because of her.
"I don't know, we haven't really been talking lately, I just get the feeling that you don't want to talk to me..." She giggles, thinking that I'm joking but her face quickly shifts when she realizes that I'm being serious, which is something that I rarely am. "Of course I want to talk to you, I've just been trying to give you space. Considering we've been through a lot the past few weeks. You're still my best friend though, right?" How do I answer that, I want to be her 'best friend' but I'm still not sure what I walked in on at the game.
That conversation didn't sound very 'friendly' to me. "I mean I thought we were, but.."
"But what? What's wrrong?" She asks with worry coating her voice. Do I tell her I heard them at the game? What good would it do? It's not like she can magically erase it happening. "I, I heard you and Julissa at the game, in the bathroom. It's why I didn't come over last night. If you guys feel that way then maybe the best thing is for me to distance myself. However I won't keep apologizing for being with him, so maybe-"
"Slow down.. Z it wasn't like that-"
"Like what, you two weren't gossiping about me instead of being happy for me?" I sound so defensive and I don't even mean to.. I just always have my guard up, I always do. "Yes! I mean no- we weren't gossiping Z." She can't be serious.. it defiantly was gossiping.
"Then what was it, because it defiantly felt like she was grossing, and you were't saying anything to defend me." She pauses taking in what I'm saying. She's probably thinking of an excuse to justify it. "Julissa was just having a hard time. It wasn't gossip, it was her venting Z there is a big difference."
"So her talking about how I'm 'In love with Ethan' is venting? It's gossip and it's total bullshit. Why can't she just except that I chose Grayson?" She bucks her eyes at the last part, did I really just say that? Chose Grayson? "What do you mean 'Chose Grayson?' when was there a debate on which one of my brothers you should pick?" I can hear the annoyance brewing in her voice, that is complete justified. I did't mean to say that, really.
