(Repeat Medicine By Daughter)
Zhavia's Point Of View
Friday
November 21, 2016
How am I supposed to get in that car and not burst out in tears, I'm seriously considering walking home at this point. How could he accuse me of something like that? How could he say the things he said?
I immediately wipe away the tears that do get the chance to fall, I just have to make it through the car ride and then I can cry all I want when I get home. "Z, wait up I was looking for you." Ethan runs up to me. "You found me."
"I just wanted you to beware of Grayson right now, he has a giant stick up his ass and I don't think you want to catch a glimpse of it." He says a bit jokingly. I don't even mean to but I scoff, I quickly sniffle not even meaning to. "You're about ten minutes too late."
"Shit, what'd he say to you? You okay?" I force a smile nodding. What would telling him that I am upset do? It'd just make him go at Grayson and there's been enough conflict tonight.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just a bit tired and your dad is taking me home so the sooner I get to the car the better." I continue walking, if he asks me if I'm okay again I will for sure burst out in tears. "What all did he say to you?"
"Nothing, just the usual about ignoring him. You were right though he was pissed about the hoodie." He just continues walking with me.
"I'm just glad he didn't say anything he'd regret, he was really pissy earlier. Let's get you to the car though." I look back from the direction I just came from. Looking for Grayson, I think he's still just standing over there by the busses. I can't believe he'd say the things he said...
What's supposed to happen with us? What am I supposed to do now?
"Earth to Zhavia, come on." I shake my head coming back to reality turning back to Ethan.
"Lead the way."
__
I lean my head on the window of Sean's car watching the outside fly past the car. The only thing to be herd in the car is the music. There is a familiar lump building in my throat, I try so hard to just swallow it, ignore it. Yet of course it doesn't work, I wipe away the tear that falls immediately.
I look around making sure no one saw me. Ethan's in his phone and Sean is just focused on the road. I look straight ahead looking at the wing mirror of the car just for a second only to see that Grayson is looking at me, watching me. Quickly I pull my attention away from the mirror.
His eyes, he looked embarrassed, shameful really. Good, cause that feeling, the feeling he's feeling doesn't amount to a fraction of what I feel. This is exactly why I haven't told him about my quote 'sneaky phone calls' my mom makes me vulnerable. How am I supposed to let him in when I'm scared to, scared of us not working, scared of him leaving or forcing me to.
Did I go through everything I went through with Cam and Julissa just for this to blow up in my face? Can't say I don't deserve it...
Tonight just made me feel so... so less of myself. I haven't felt this low of myself since last year, freshman year. Asking me about my body count, if I remembered all the guys I've ever been with, asking if Ethan was one of the guys I've been with. It made me feel like a whore.
