(Repeat DOPE By Jessie Reyez )
Zhavia's Point Of View
Friday
October 31, 2016
I haven't thought about that night in a long time. I honestly barely remembered until now, that night I just felt so upset for so many different reasons. Yet he cheered me up, he made me feel special. I clear my throat preparing to speak up. "I never realized how close we were back then..." We actually had kind of a bond before I felt like they were sexualizing me. That and Cam would tell me how they were just 'teenage boys' another way of saying horny fifteen year olds.
She'd tell me they'd say things about how I was cute until I decided to speak. How they'd say my attitude was terrible but my body made up for it. My personal favorite was that I had a pretty face, slim waist, but other than that I wasn't worth the chase.
Being that she was just trying to keep me away from them I'm not sure if what she was saying was true. One thing is for sure, some of the things she'd say they 'said' hurt. It didn't matter though, I'd act like they didn't. "I hate that I ruined it-" He sounds so genuine...
"We've been over it, you didn't ruin it. It's much more complex than that. It doesn't matter, because it's all behind us and we're just moving forward from here." I begin to let his hand go but grabs mine, holding it. I look up at him looking him in the eyes confused.
"I know how you feel about my brother, and I know how you feel about him so I understand that I need to move on. So I have a date for the party tonight..." I don't know why he feels the need to announce it; if he has a date, I'm happy for him. "That's good-"
"It's Julissa."
"Oh.."
"I just didn't want you to be caught off guard or anything. Or to think that it's a revenge thing for her or for me, because it's not we really-"
"You don't have to explain anything to me. You like her, have fun." I pull my hand away from his. "Z, you're not upset with her? Or me are you?" Of course I'm upset.
"I'm not upset." Just disappointed, Grayson isn't going to like this and I can't blame him, and if Julissa ever loved him like she claimed she did... I don't think she'd go for Ethan. I walk away and leave his room closing the door. He should be talking Grayson, not me. When I turn around I see Julissa right behind me, she was right outside his door..?
"Hey.." She smiles.
"Hi.." I'm not really sure what to say, or what either of us are supposed to say. "You look amazing." She smiles genuinely. "You too." I half smile before walking off.
__
We all get out of the car, the car ride was beyond awkward, the car was filled with stale silence since Cam's radio didn't work. "You okay?" Grayson asks me as we start towards the house. "Yeah I just..."
"Don't really like parties?" He finishes for me, I nod answering him. "It's okay, we won't be here too long and Diamond won't say a word to you. Unlike the last party we went to... I won't leave your side." He grabs my hand, kissing the back of it making me smile. It's almost weird to think that the last party I went to was in the ninth grade... "Thank you, but I don't want to stop you from having fun tonight. I'll be fine you don't have to watch over me. You can hang out with your buddies-"
"I will hang out with you. I want to, we are both going to have some fun tonight." He cuts me off as we walk inside of the nicely decorated, very large house. Seeing all the people here kind of makes me feel tense. I'd much rather be home. Everyone is in Halloween costumes, some trashy, some actually good.
How am I going to have fun tonight when I know it won't last? I feel a pit in my stomach grow just thinking about how Julissa and Ethan testing the waters is going to blow up in everyone's face. One of the first things to catch my eye is the table with drinks on it... I refuse.
The last thing I will do is drink to help me 'relax' alcohol kind of scares me.. "You're not thinking about drinking are you?" He sounds a little worried... "Uh no, the opposite actually.."
"Good, I wouldn't judge you if you did, it just makes me feel a little uneasy.. with everything that happened." The way he's talking, it's like he's to tiptoeing around it. "It's okay, you're allowed to acknowledge that you two were a thing. What happened with her scared all of us. You don't have to worry about me drinking, ever."
"I just don't want to make you uncomfortable bringing up the past and all." He shrugs, I don't want him to feel that way, that his past makes me uncomfortable. "It doesn't, at all. I accept it, I accept you and you're right we should I guess try to have some fun tonight." He smiles when I say that, and looks over at everyone, dancing and having fun. Please don't say it-
"Dance with me." He looks at me with hopeful eyes. Me, dancing? "You're kidding right? I really don't-"
"I wasn't asking." He smiles and grabs my hand, guiding me, the music growing louder as we reach the crowd. He starts to move to the beat of 'Bitch Better Have My Money' by Rihanna all I can do is laugh, the boy has rhythm. I'll give him that. "You know you want to!" He shouts making me shake my head, I Don't even mean to but all I can do is giggle.
"You look hilarious!" I yell over to music, I'm
deadass going to leave him here by himself. I start to walk away, but I feel him grab my hand and pull me into him, my back now against his chest. He tickles my neck when he lightly, slowly pushes my hair away to whisper in my ear. "I'm starting to think you're getting too used to me being a softy lately. I'm still in control baby." I hold my breath the whole time he's speaking to me. I swear my heart is pounding.
I have to say I definitely wasn't expecting this. He's definitely right, he has been a little less aggressive lately. We've been spending a lot more time together and he's been gentle, that is until right now. Slowly I turn around, my lips hover over his, as I make my way to his ear. "Then by all means, control me baby." I plant a light kiss right below his ear, slowly pulling away with a smirk on my face. He shakes his head to himself with a smile on his face.
My arms loosely wrap around his neck, resting on his shoulders while I begin moving my hips to the beat. His hands hold on to my waist moving to the beat with me. It's kind of funny to me, we're at a party where everyone around up is bumping and grinding and he decides to hold on to my waist? "Lower.." I whisper in his ear before I feel him grip my ass, caught off guard I gasp. I guess that works too.
This is a high school moment I never thought I would have experienced. Dirty dancing at a high school party, the thought of parties used to make me feel annoyed. It's weird the things that actually seem fun when I'm with him. The flashing light, the music blasting through our ears. We dance to about four songs doing our thing.
