After Forever

Chapter 54

Tessa

My heart hurts.

He doesn't know it but my heart is breaking at the mere sight of him at this point. I'm afraid. I'm scared of the unknown future for him. For us.

It's no longer a matter of him wanting to be with me or not but whether he would be here or not.

And for that I am broken.

He was trying to tell me and I didn't get it. He was trying to tell me I had to live my life without him. He meant because he didn't think he would be here.

I look at him with pain in my eyes and he sees it I know he does. I try to hide it I try to put it away. But I can't.

"Is there a way for us to go outside or something I need some air?" Hardin asks

"Umm I can ask"I reply.

I go out to find a nurse she informs me of a courtyard but she doesn't feel like he's strong enough to make it as it's a long walk. I let him know and he insists quite the contrary.

When we get there he asks for his hoodie as it's a bit chilli outside.

Since he is more on the permanent side of things he gets to wear comfy sweats at the hospital.

He is wearing those athletic pants from the night of Landon's wedding and a hoodie from his tour.

Speaking of which I haven't heard anything about his music.

He does however prove the nurse wrong and make it all the way to the courtyard but is completely out of breath and exhausted by the time he gets there.

I ask him "what's going on with your music?" To not bring attention to him being so weak.

"Well I have ignored my manager since the second day I have been here so I am assuming ill have a flood of emails. I blocked his number one of the days I was drunk and so that's probably not good either" He replies.

"Can you get me my laptop from Vance's so I can work on some music while I'm in here?" He asks.

"Of course" I reply.

It's silent for a while he is weak and I can tell and it's heartbreaking to watch.

I feel like I just stare at him and he hates it he wants to just go back to normal and I get it, so do I. But I want to be along on this fight with him, he needs me or maybe I need it's that I need him. I need him to stay.

"I think I want to go back now." He says.

"Okay" I say as I have to help him up and walk with him back to his room.

When we get back I decide to lay next to him in his bed.

He holds me close and gives me a kiss on the head.

"I never wanted this you know"he says.

"I know Hardin but it's okay we will get through it." I reply.

We have so much to talk about but it all seems so unimportant in the grand scheme of things now.

I haven't been back at work yet and I have only gone to the apartment to change when I knew Easton wasn't going to be there. I have to move my stuff out and find a new apartment.

I feel like I have so much I have to do and so much change but I don't want to not be here with him.

"Can you help me with something?" He asks

"Yea whatever you need." I reply

"I had Landon bring clippers, can you shave my head?" He asks.

"Are you sure?" I ask

"It's just hair." He replies.

And I know it is but it just makes it all that much more real...for him. For me.

"I've never cut anyone's hair before so I'm sorry if I mess up" I say.

"Ouch" he yells

"Omg I'm so sorry" I scream back

"I'm kidding...you're fine, just keep going" he says.

When I'm finally done he takes a minute to run his hands over it in the mirror before throwing a beanie on his head. Which even sick with a shaved head he still looks good.

"You don't have to be here everyday you know?" He says

"I know but I want to be." I reply.

"Fair enough" he says.