After Forever

Chapter 72

Hardin

I've had a lot of shit happen to me. A lot that I've fucked up. A lot that has been beyond my control. A lot that I did to other people. A lot that I have done to myself.

A lot of excuses to be a piece of shit.

She deserves better. Period.

But I want to be selfish. I don't want to lose her. I don't want this to be it. I don't want this to be how she remembers me.

Me loving her and wanting to be with her. Never was that ever a question for me.  I have never been good enough. And I don't know if I will be but I need to try.

But look at me. Look at where I am at.

And she's gone. I don't blame her. I would be gone too.

Not to mention I feel like absolute trash. Since the doctor found the other tumor my pain is constant.

Oh not to mention my withdrawal started. I am surprised she didn't say what a piece of shit I looked like.

Between the shakes and the nausea. I can barely stand.

But when I saw her it wasn't about me.

I used to swear I would stay clean for Gio and so when Julianna started using I hated her for it.

Her brother died in my arms.

But look I'm no better I went back to a life I swore I wouldn't because of him.

And like I said I buried that pain of losing him and I guess I lost sight again and stopped thinking about what this would do to me. To her. To my mum. To everyone.

When I get back to my cell. I puke my brains out for what feels like hours.

I wake up in a fog, or I think I wake up. I feel like I'm hallucinating or something. I see Madi.

"Madi, is that you? I call to her.

"Come with me..." she says.

I've been fucked up before but this is pretty wild. Madi is dead what is going on. Am I dead?

I actually feel pretty good. Too good to be dead. But where are we?

She leads me to a basketball court. Of course...

"Do you want to play for old times sake?" She asks.

"Uhhh sure I guess" I reply still thoroughly confused.

"Are you done being such a fuck up?" Madi asks.

"Fuck, tell me how you really feel." I say as I pass her the ball.

She dribbles away from me and shoots the ball and makes it.

"You really screwed everything up this time. You know that, right?" She asks.

I take a deep breath. "I'm going to fix it." I tell her.

"I don't know if you can." She says.

"If you are an angel or whatever you are aren't you supposed to be motivating me or something. Not being like ahh well you can't fix it?" I reply.

"I'm not an angel, and you aren't dead. You are however an idiot." She says.

When I finally snap out of whatever that was I come to a little bit And I can hear my mum and Vance talking but I can't see them yet. Or say anything.

I try moving my hand. And I feel like I did because I feel one of them squeeze my hand back.

"He moved!" My mum shouts.

"Hardin, bud can you hear us?" Says Vance.

I try moving my hand again and I feel like it didn't work.

"I am going to get the doctor and tell him he moved" says my mum to Vance.

I can hear Vance say "Hardin if you can hear me, squeeze my hand."

And I try, I try so hard and I feel like nothing is happening. I try so hard to open my eyes and everything is still black.

I can hear the doctor come in and talk to my mum and Vance.

"His vitals are about the same, it might have just been a muscle spasm" says the doctor.

Fuck am I going to die?

"Probably." I hear a voice answer me.

"Who was that?" I call to the voice.

Man, I really am out of it.

"C'mon it hasn't been that long" I hear Gio say.

When I finally see him or whatever this is I bring him in and give him the biggest hug.

"I never took you as the hugger" says Gio.

"I'm sorry." I say to him

"Ahh don't be." Replies Gio.

"No. I should have been there." I tell him.

"You didn't know." He replies back.

Okay 2 dead people. I must really be on deaths door.

"You aren't dead..you are in a coma though." Gio tells me.

"What? How?" I ask him.

"I don't know I'm not a doctor" he replies.

This doesn't make sense. I know when I got back from talking to Tessa I was sick but how am I in a coma?

And how do I wake up?

Tessa is probably long gone by now.

"I thought you were going to protect Jules." He says

"Gio, I tried. For a long time...but she's stubborn kind of like me and she didn't want my help unless we were together. And I refused to be with her if she was like that. And I know how hypocritical that sounds because of my actions lately. But a lot of shit has happened. Not to mention the whole cancer thing." I tell him.

"She can't end up like me you have to help her." He tells me.

"Can I help myself first I don't even know if I am going to wake up." I reply.

"You will." He says and fades away.

"Hardin....Hardin!" I can hear more clearly.

I feel like I am able to squeeze my hand around my mums hand.

I am able to slowly open my eyes.

"He's awake!...he's awake." My mum screams.

Vance bolts up from his seat and they both are freaking out.

I feel like I try to lift up my head but I can't. I am able to lift my other hand to my nose and feel the oxygen in my nose.

I don't feel like I can talk but I also haven't tried.

"Hardin just relax you just woke up don't try to move too much." Vance tells me.

I'm still so confused.

I finally try to talk, it takes a bit but I manage to get out "what happened?"

"You were found unresponsive and after some tests you had swelling on your brain so they put you in an induced coma. Do you remember hitting your head when you got in that fight?" Says Vance

I remember him pushing me into a wall but I don't know if I hit my head that whole thing is still all a haze.

"I don't know." I simply reply.

"It's okay I'm just so glad you are awake" my mum says.

"How long have I been here?" I ask

"It's been 9 days." Says my mum.

That has to be a joke there is no way I have been in a coma for 9 days.

"Tessa?" I ask.

Vance shakes his head no.

So she is gone...