After Forever

Chapter 69

Tessa

And just like that I was saying goodbye...again. And I didn't expect it to be as hard as it was.

I wanted to tell him just stay with me and we can get through it together. And every ounce of me wishes that could be true.

But that's not possible with him. Not now at least. Maybe not ever.

And I'm scared. I'm scared of having to do all of this alone and well right now I am alone. And these are all thoughts that are flooding my brain as I sit in the car waiting for Trish and Vance to come out. And I know I should have given a better goodbye. But every part of me is broken right now and I just needed to walk away as hard as it was.

I reach into my pocket to grab my phone and a piece of paper falls onto the seat of the car.

It's a note and I can instantly tell it's Hardins handwriting. He must have slipped it in my pocket when he gave me a hug.

Tessa,
I know I am always apologizing to you. And I truly am sorry for all the pain I have ever caused you. I don't know what my future holds. Or what that looks like for us. One thing I do know is that you deserve happiness and a wonderful life. And even if I come out of this a better man than I started I still don't think I'll be good enough for you. But I am going to try everyday to make up for all the hurt I ever caused you if you give me that chance. I don't expect anything but I want you to know I'll never stop fighting for you, for us and for our family. I love you more than you know. And maybe one day I'll stop being a damn fool and I can show you that.

Vance opens the door and I shove the note into my pocket. I can tell Vance looks just as sad as I do.

"You doing okay?" He asks.

I break down as soon as he asks. He leans over from the driver seat and hugs me. And I continue to just cry.

I feel like the pain is in every bit of my being.

"I wanted to be in his life when he was younger. And maybe if I was things would be different for him." Vance says.

"You can't blame yourself" I say to Vance.

"When I found out what happened to Trish because of Ken and that Hardin was there. I actually fought Ken and I wanted to tell him right then and there that Hardin wasn't his....but I didn't. And even then it would have been too late. I remember Hardin not being the same kid after that. And how could he be? And instead of being there for him I left him and went to the states." Vance explains.

"Again you don't know even if you were there if it would have mattered." I say.

"I just have had a lot of missed opportunities with him ya know." Says Vance.

"Hopefully this is it though. Hopefully this is the time that everything changes." I say. And I don't know who I am trying to convince him or me.

"I'm going to be there for him, I'm done having regrets." Says Vance.

I feel a mix of emotions when he says that because do I have regrets with Hardin. Yes. But also no.

I think I have given my all every time to make us work. And every time I've been left shattered. And I know he has his Demons and it hasn't been easy for him either but would it be too much to just ask for normal with him.

I don't want to do this when the baby is here. I can't. I can't have him coming in and out either. Or taking care of him. My dad was the addict I did that already.

I don't want the addict baby daddy too.

I feel like I'm talking myself out of being there for him. But maybe I do need to be the one to walk away. It can't be he gets out of rehab and all is forgiven.