Into Thin Air

Chapter 30

The lights were off in Hope’s room. Her photo album laid open on her nightstand, the photo of her mother grinning under her crown still out even though it was too dark for Hope to see. As she closed her eyes, face still sticky from crying, her thoughts started to wander.
She rethought every move she had made throughout the entire pageant, every step or misstep, every answer, every mistake. Where had she gone wrong? What did she lack that she somehow hadn’t been able to figure out in the last three years? 
And then, after she’d wallowed in her misery long enough for the lump in her throat to come back, she led her thoughts to Landon and how Josie had told him about her and Penelope. It wasn’t that Hope was never going to tell him. She loved him, and she didn’t want to keep secrets from him. And she absolutely didn't plan on being a liar on top of a cheater, but she wanted to tell him at the right time. She wanted to be sure how she felt about Penelope. After all, it was one thing to just sleep with Penelope. It was another to be in love with her. 
She certainly liked Penelope swooping in at just right the moment, saving her from inevitable embarrassment, but that didn’t mean she loved her. Hope rolled over as if she were physically suffocating under the weight of her thoughts. She liked hanging out with Penelope, liked how well they worked together trying to solve their mysteries, and she definitely liked the way Penelope felt under her hands that night in the kitchen but ... was that love?
Hope pressed her face into her pillow as her thoughts marched their way to Lizzie. She could still feel the warmth of her embrace even now in the cold emptiness of her dorm room. Hope thought Lizzie had known all the right things to say, the exact words she'd needed to hear in that moment. She liked the way Lizzie’s arms felt around her, liked the way her hair smelled as she used it to hide her face, liked the way her breath tickled Hope’s ear when she spoke. 
Hope sat up suddenly, throwing all the blankets off of her. There was no way she was in love with Lizzie Saltzman too. 
How would she even know what love was? She thought she loved Landon but what she felt for Penelope was different, and what she felt for Penelope was different than what she felt for Lizzie, and what she felt for Lizzie was way different than what she felt for Landon.
Hope let out a loud groan that sounded dangerously close to a growl and got out of bed. She needed to go to the woods. Everything was less complicated in her wolf mind.