crimson veil of the moon

unveil-I

I have much lived a life that would not suffice to achieving something profound although I am 16, I still wonder if I have ever been able to make an impact ? Doesn't matter if it is a single word or a sentence , it makes me wonder if my existence is mere twilight. Some days I am willing to be the overbearing rays of light that is when I try to make an effort and on the other days I am wholeheartedly driven towards the night , the dark , it intrigues me , it feels right , the darkness allows me to feel. There I stand between this maze of light and the dark , this maze of breathing and living , what means to be breathing ? What means to be living ? Are they meant to be the same or do they differ? I am still looking for the answer but with the end of each day I am left with more unanswered questions. Human world is filled with many desires , desire to love and be loved, desire to befriend and be befriended, desire to feel and be felt but why is that they desire to live but only breathe ? I am an observer , I am overcome with this subconscious obsession to observe everything and everyone, I wasn't like this before well to be honest I never had this incentive to question anything because I never needed to but something changed ever since that night. The night the stars existed without the moon.The night I forgot me , the night I forgot my happiness , the night I forgot my will to live although I am breathing but I am not living , I have no will to live yet I am breathing why ? Why is that sadness is more of a home to me and not happiness ? Why does happiness feel like an uninvited guest ? I have so many questions yet never ever an answer.