crimson veil of the moon

uncomprehending him

we humans live being dreaded by the past while wishing for a hopeful future, why is it we always  live in the contrary? 

16 years of a life lived not being dreaded by others but being dreaded by myself, i have never ever seemed to like myself , the concept of self love has always been a fantasy to me. As far as i can recall i have been a good kid probably my entire life but i am covered with this deep wound not physically inflicted on my body but  in my soul , i feel such agony ,such pain , but its not for me, it is for someone else , i can't shake of this feeling that i have hurt someone in my past but which past am i looking for or who am i looking for ? i do not know. 

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After returning from that almost frightening confrontation with my deeply rooted feelings, i return back to the hell hole yet again. 

"Class we have some new students who I would like to introduce , they both have transferred from US and are now part of our class, please give them a hearty welcome." 

" i wonder who they are , who do you think Xie Lian ?" Shi QingXuan inquired. 

" i do not know neither do i care." 

"Both of you please enter." The teacher called out.

I had not the least interest in these transfer students , i mean why would i be ? it just means more rats for this shit show. 

Entered the class two tall handsome looking guys practically leaving others spellstruck you know cause they were handsome. I couldn't care less but one of them caught my attention , he immediately clicked into my mind , he was the one during the lunch break, motherfucker, he was the one.  

"holy fuck , they are such hotties." 

" fuck , that guy with the black hoodie is so hot." 

" No , the white shirt one is hotter." 

And here goes this bloody simping bullshit , i always hate this fuss and noise. But what was even more annoying was that i couldn't get my gaze off that guy , no matter how much i tried. 

"Please introduce yourselves."

The guy wearing a black hoodie and basic joggers spoke up.

"Hi , I am He Xuan , I've transferred here from US, it's nice to meet you all." 

 Weirdly enough i could see Shi QingXuan blushing but i didn't pay much attention to it my attention was still on that guy.

And guess what , the entire class began practically hooting , god i hate this shit.

"You , please introduce yourself." The teacher spoke up. 

And to my surprise he did not give an introduction rather he did what was the least unexpected, rather i had not even imagined it. He walked up to me getting the attention of the entire class. 

"You , could you stop staring at me ? you're fucking annoying." his eyes pierced right through me, his intimidating tone seeking to create fear midst me, however that would be an unfruitful attempt. 

"How delusional are you to think that i was staring at you? i really can't fuck with you narcissists." I said as i practically stood up and stared right at his crimson eyes, he was exceptionally tall for his age but there was something about his eyes, they were unusual. 

" You asshole , don't you have a big mouth." 

He said as he now held me by my collar and his eyes emitting rage , god what a fucking bitch for provoking me when i just don't have the energy. 

" Whoever the fuck you are neither do i give a flying shit , don't even think of touching me or i won't hesitate to dig your grave right here and now , this is my first and last warning." 

" Now now , Xie Lian stop it." Shi QingXuan said as he practically pulled me back hesitantly. But i was grateful for him for doing that otherwise i would have really punched him in the face and that would have practically demolished my mask of being a good guy however i do think i half demolished it already but i couldn't seem to control my anger this was the second time i couldn't comprehend my emotions yet alone control them. 

"NOW BOTH OF YOU , DETENTION AFTER SCHOOL!!" 

"detention , are you kidding me?" i said under my breath.

" Xie Lian , Huh? , i will see you in detention." He said in an almost domineering tone as he then proceeded to sit on an empty seat along with He Xuan. 

"fucker, i'll kill you." i could have sworn i wanted to say those words out loud but i only did it  in my mind but the intension was clear i hated this guy , i hated him.