~My Cade~ // Johnny Cade x Reader ("the outsiders" plot base)

The Notebook - Johnny's POV

Warnings: Swearing

Word Count: 1515 (sorry, i know its long) 

QUICK AUTHOR'S NOTE: I EDITED SOME OF THE BOREDOM AND TEXAS WINSTON CHAPTERS, SO IF YOU WANNA UNDERSTAND THIS CHAPTER BETTER, PLEASE RE-READ THE BOTTOM OF BOREDOM AND THE BEGINNING OF TEXAS WINSTON THANKS!

I rushed to the Curtis house and almost broke the door by swinging it open so hard. Pony and Soda and Darry were crying. And so was Steve and Two-Bit and Dally. 

"What are you crying for?" I snapped. "She ain't dead!" I insisted. Darry tried to calm me down, but I knocked him in the teeth. It took everyone to restrain me and hold me down in the armchair. Eventually, I stopped struggling and buried my face in my knees. Soda held me like he held me in the lot the day that I got jumped. In my heart, I knew she was gone. And it hurt a lot more than any scar that the Socs could give me. It took a lot to make me cry, with all the beatings from my parents. Even after getting jumped I hadn't cried this hard. I just didn't seem to run out of tears. Dally gently rubbed my head.

"Hey, kid, it's gonna be okay," he said slowly. He was lying. His cheeks were still stained with tears. 

"Don't try to make me feel better," I said, slowly, burying my face further. "I ain't gonna. I'll kill myself or something." 

"No, Johnny, you can't kill yourself," Pony said, softly. "You just can't. Not you and Y/N both." 

Pony leaned on me and we silently cried, too exhausted to make a noise anymore. Darry went to Soda's bedroom to get my clothes, but he ended up carrying something else. A notebook. The one that was recovered from the fire. I immediately hopped up and snatched it.

"Kid, I don't think you outta read that," he said, taking it back.

"Fuck you!" I shouted. The gang knew I was about to go again, and Soda grabbed me and settled me down. 

"I'll read it," Darry said, finally. "I'll read it." 

I'm writing this from an old church on Jay Mountain. It's a really long story about how I got here, but I have a lot of time on my hands. I'm Y/N Y/L/N, and I'm fifteen years old, but I'll be turning sixteen real soon. I moved here to Tulsa with my brother, B/N, my father, and my stepmother for a fresh start. At first, I hated it here. School was tough and some of the kids harassed me. Some of them even assaulted me. Luckily, I found a new family. Darry, Soda, and Pony. Even if they aren't as wealthy as mine and can't give me what I used to have, I love them. After getting into a fight with Dad, they took me in and let me stay. They have a group of crazy friends that are so individual. Like Steve, who works at the DX like Soda and is just as wild. Two-Bit, who is such a wisecracker but also real fun. Dally, who is as tough as nails, but also has an admirable side that makes him such a character. And then Johnny, who is a lot like me. I really like Johnny. I can talk to him about everything under the sun whether it be relating to parental issues or even dumb thoughts. After that, life went uphill. I had new friends, a new family... until the day that Ponyboy got jumped. Everything after that made life awful. At the movies, Johnny and Pony and Dally and Two-Bit and I met some girls. Cherry and Marcia. Turns out, their boyfriends are insane. They attacked Pony and Johnny and me, and I'll never forget that night. I was so scared- I ended up killing one. I'll regret that for the rest of my life. I didn't mean to kill no one. I was just scared that they were gonna hurt us. We went to Dally because he knows what to do in situations like these, and thats how I got to Jay Mountain. Hiding away, eating old baloney and smoking cigarettes. This isn't what I want my life to look like. I think I might turn myself in, but I'm awful scared. I don't know what's gonna happen to me. I'm a murderer. If they kill me, then so be it. I ain't gonna say I don't deserve it. But I have some things I'd like to say, and if anyone finds this, please tell them. 

To Steve: 

Hey, Steve Randel. I know we ain't got a lot of time to get to know each other, but I think that you're great. You got so much energy and passion, and I've never met anyone quite like you. I know you probably don't like me because of my family, but I'd like you to know, that I really don't want to be a Soc. And you shouldn't hate everyone just because some people hate you. The world is terrible, and things are rough all over. 

To Two-Bit: 

You're so crazy, you know that? You're such a wisecracker and you always find a way to make me and everyone else laugh. You make me happy even when life is shitty. And you somehow find a way to be happy when life is shitty. Maybe you can teach me how to do that one day. It's a good way to live. 

To Sodapop: 

Soda, I can't thank you enough for finding me that night. That had to be the luckiest thing that ever happened to me. I'm real sorry for scaring you and Darry like that and running off here, but please know that I didn't mean to kill nobody and I'm really sorry. You're such a great brother, and I love you a lot. 

To Dally: 

Dallas, I don't really know what to say to you. You're a really complicated guy, and maybe that's a good thing. I know you hate the world, but there is still a lot of good in the world. I don't think you know that. You got the whole gang. Sometimes, I know you hate to admit it, but you need us as much as we need you. I watched a sunset with Ponyboy and Johnny, and I think you should look at one. I know you think it's stupid, but just do it for me, okay? 

To Darry:

Darry, I'm so sorry for running out on you like that. I know that you didn't mean it, and I know that it was my fault for staying out so long. You have so much on your shoulders, trying to keep your family together. But I hope you know that we all love you a lot. I know you just want what is best for all of us. Ever since my Dad started drinking, I haven't really had a father figure. When you came into the picture, you filled up that slot nicely. Thanks for being a great big brother and Dad. Love you. 

To Ponyboy: 

Ponyboy, you're right. Sunrises and sunsets are really pretty. I've been thinking a lot about that poem, Nothing Gold Can Stay. I think that the speaker meant that everything starts out new to you, like when your a kid. And slowly, things like sunsets become less and less important and less noticeable. Like dawn turning into day. I think that the poem is right about a lot of things, and it's hard to stay gold. But it's wrong. Gold things can stay. Like the way you dig sunsets. Stay that way. It's a good way to be. Also, don't be so bugged about being a greaser. Being a greaser isn't an insult. In fact, I'm so proud to be a greaser. Because being a greaser ain't about having less money, its about being more passionate and gallant and sticking together like a family. And there is still plenty of time for you to be what you want to be. Your a great kid, Pony. 

To Johnny: 

Hey, Johnnycake, even though you are more of a cinnamon roll- .  I think I like you, but I ain't sure. I've never fallen in love before, but if I am, I'm glad its with you. I know that everyone thinks your weak because you're small and softspoken, but you're the most gallant one I know. Braver than Dally even, who took jailtime for Two-Bit without blinking an eye. Just like the Southern Gents that we were reading about in that church. You've got such a tough life, and you don't deserve none of it. You're the sweetest, kindest boy that I ever knew and no matter what happens to me, I want you to know that you'll be alright. You've got Pony and the whole gang looking right after you. You're gold. Stay gold, Johnny. 

I fell onto my knees, sobbing. She might as well have said it to my face. I heard her soft voice speaking to me and I remembered her nice smile, pretty laugh - Everyone else was crying too. I wasn't alone, but I'd never felt so alone. We all sat down on the floor and cried to each other, just holding each other in our arms. Suddenly...

"Gee, I didn't know this was a pity party."