A Heart To Be Heard (A Freenbeck story)

Nothing's gonna change my love for you 🌷

Becky POV

About the time when I told the driver to take me to my parents' home instead of P'Freens, the only thing in my mind was to be alone, think and find a way to get out of.......whatever this is. I know she deserves to know since we have promised each other to share everything; but, I couldn't do it at this time. I just needed a moment to myself. I think, to figure out something on my own.

But the moment I stepped outside the car and looked at my home, there was some strange feeling. Like I don't know what I am doing there at that moment when I exactly planned why I was there, as I always do. But this time, all my pre-planned things, in my mind were not coming into action. Because what I thought I needed, looking that at in front of me, felt like strange and different.

Maybe I am thinking too much?

I brushed off the feelings and taking a deep breath, I stepped into my house. It was as I expected.

Alone.

Mom and dad were out for their, a trip, which dad planned for them, so it was only me and my baby. I put down my bag on sofa in the living room and went into the kitchen to take a glass of water. As soon as I entered I was hit with nostalgia. With all the memorised of me and P'Freen had in this kitchen.

Her first time here, her attempts to not let me wash the dishes and steeling kisses, her birthday, our meals with my family, her and dads laughter on some silly jokes which me and mom would never get in this life, her loving stares, her act of service a.k.a. not letting me do anything, even taking glass of water or wiping my lips when I have something on them, and what not. Everything. Everything was just rushing down into my brain one by one, causing me grasp that glass in my hands tightly.

Its strange, isn't it? How its not even been few hours and all the things around me reminding me of her. Even when its not our house, even when she is not here. God what......

I couldn't even take a sip of water as I felt I might choke on it; souse my throat was hurting by my attempts not to cry now. I put it back and went into a living room and stopped in front of stairs. I wanted to go inside my room and just sit beside my window. But again, I was scared, cause it was the place where we had spent most of our time together, and just like now there also I wont be able to feel alone.

So my room? NO.

Outside on swing? No.

Study room? NO.

We once sneaked there, when my parents were watching a TV show loudly in living room and we took that opportunity to.... Nope not an option.

So the only place was in my house on benches in the garden. So I took a whole 180o turn and went outside.

The atmosphere was good today. A little bit chilly and since its January, so cold too. It is already evening so its less than 19o c. I rubbed my hands together and looked around me. The thoughts slowly started to pile up. And my focus went on them.

I don't know for how much time I sat there, but it was just blink of an eye. And no.......none of it, I mean not even a single thought was about what I was going to do further. Every thing was just about.......her.

Each and every one of them.

I was brought back into really when I found my son sitting at my feet, with his favourite ball with him, which he was desperately trying to fit in his mouth but failed miserably. I smiled at his cute and adorable attempts to do that as I noticed he was not aggressive with that ball like he is with his other toys.

And my smile was gone.

Of course he wouldn't let anything happen to it. After all, it was a gift from his daday for the Christmas. And my eyes automatically watered. She never held back her self. Did everything in her power to make all of us feel safe and loved. And rather than being scared about Non situation, now I was feeling more guilty, for so many reasons. Like coming here and leaving her there thinking of.........whatnot.