A Heart To Be Heard (A Freenbeck story)

A process of healing 🌷

Freen POV

I was in my bedroom, standing in front of our dresser, while I was desperately trying to wear my button-up shirt. I have been trying to button up this for the past 10 min now. I guess it's not easy with only one hand at all. My hand and neck are hurting so much.

Why didn't I just choose to wear a hoodie?

Oh yeah, it would have been impossible too.

After several failed attempts, I let out a loud groan out of frustration as I sat on our bed with my buttons still open.

"Why the f**k I cannot do it?" I dropped my head in annoyance as my jaw tightened, knowing the fact that I could not even do this simple thing.

"Because it is not supposed to work that way, honey."

I looked up. Only to find my beautiful fiancé, coming towards me, with a towel in her hand, wearing one of my long shirts. As soon as she entered the room, her soothing, floral aroma spilled into the room. I saw the droplets from her wet hair dripping on her one exposed shoulder as she made her way towards me, making her already glowing skin look magnificent. She might have used my shower gel again, which I am not complaining about even the slightest. I think it suits her more than it suits me. And it soothes me too.

As soon as she stood in front of me, with that angelic smile on her face, all my frustration and sadness were gone. I looked up at her and she just bent down a little to press a soft kiss on my forehead and I automatically let out a sigh of relief. Her magical touch works every time. With my mind high because of her kiss, I held her by her waist as she ran her hands through my hair in a soothing manner. I closed my eyes at that softness as I tried to bury my face in her belly and I heard her soft giggle as she spoke.

"Why didn't you wait for me, babe? You know that I am here to do it for you, right?"

She took a little pause before she continued in more softer tone this time, "P'Freen, I know it's hard to do stuff on your own in this condition." I couldn't say anything so I just hummed. I didn't want to bother her more than I already did. And I don't want her to know this either. She would just get upset. But I cannot help it, I try to do things on my own as much as I can, but some of them are hard.

The thing is, it's me who is supposed to take care of her, not the other way around. And this is the thing that has been eating me up from inside for a while now.

I didn't realize along the insecure thoughts inside my mind were going deeper, my grip on her was getting tighter. I didn't hear her complain about it, just her gentle strokes on my hair and her even breathing as she spoke slowly.

"I know baby, I know. But, you need to understand this, as much as you want to take care of me, I do too. I love you. You know that right?"

And I just couldn't help but close my eyes tightly to prevent my tears from falling. The situation we are in is not very much ideal, but we all trying to do our best. To get over what had happened. And this? My disability to be there for Becky, just makes me hate myself more and more.

I promised her to be there for her, but just look at me, she has to take care of me now.

As much as she tries to talk these feelings out of me, it's hard. It's hard for me to just take this thing lightly. I have never told her, but I think after the time we have spent with each other, I think she knows.