My Shades of Gray

Shade 48 ~ Insomnia

"It hurts... It hurts so much, Isabella."

"Riley?" I whirled on my heels, searching for her in the darkness. "Where are you?!"

"Help me."

"Riley!" I cupped my hand around my mouth and screamed. "I'M HERE!"

"Please..."

My body jolted and my eyes popped open to see I was in my room on my bed. My body was icy and my heart was pumping in my chest. I glanced at the digital clock on my side table and it showed three fifteen in the morning. I only slept for around an hour and woke up because of the nightmare. It's been a long time since I had it last time, but this one was different.

Riley.

"Bella?" I flinched in surprise and that's when I remembered I wasn't alone on the bed. "Are you up?"

"Yeah," I murmured and turned to face him. His concerned gaze darted over my face and I licked my dry lips. "Did I wake you up? I'm sorry-"

"You didn't because I never slept."

I moved back so he could get some space. "You must be uncomfortable in the small bed-"

"Bella. I have insomnia."

"Excuse me?" I halted. "A what?"

"Insomnia."

"You don't sleep?" I blinked my eyes at him. "Like ever?"

Now that I think about it, it makes sense.

Everyone else knew about this. That was why Rachel said he doesn't sleep and Caroline hinted he was an early bird. He's always up because he doesn't sleep.

"I do. Some nights only for a few hours and when I eat too many painkillers." I remembered him sleeping in the car after his fight that time he took a lot of painkillers.

"Since when?"

"Since my stepfather died." He answered. "I used to have nightmares of him whenever I slept and without realizing it, I stopped sleeping."

"Did you take therapy?" I asked, even though I knew from personal experience they don't work.

"I did." He answered. "The nightmare stopped, but it didn't help with my sleep."

"Oh..." I mumbled and was about to ask him more about his stepfather but he beat me to it.

"Did you wake up because of a nightmare?" I nodded my head in reply. "What was it about?"

"My sister."

He plopped his elbow on the pillow and leaned his head on his palm. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I-" I gulped and averted my eyes from his. "She's in pain Hunter." He put his free hand on my arm and stroked it.

"What happened that day?"

"I was coming back from the park with my mother," I told him the entire story. "When she put the gun on her head, I was about to call her, but I wasn't fast enough, and she-" my voice cracked and I stopped.

"Shh..." he placed his hand on my cheek and caressed it with his thumb. "It's alright."

"I hated her for killing herself and not knowing the truth," I whispered. "She was in pain, Hunter. So unbearable that she did the unthinkable, and I couldn't help my sister."

"It's not your fault. You didn't know what she was going through."

"But I should have. Riley and I were close. Always glued to each other. She was there for me every time I needed her. But I couldn't be there for her."