My Shades of Gray

Shade 49 ~ Friend

This was a bad idea.

Standing frozen in my spot, I stared at the familiar wooden gray door in front of me. I recalled its pink color in my head and the rainbow colors of the sticker flowers on the door.

It shocked my family when I asked them to see Riley’s room because everyone knew how terrified I was of it. I intended to search her room for something useful or any clues, but terror overwhelmed me when I stood outside it.

The last time I was in her room it was when she shot herself. Her room was on the other side of the corridor, so I never had to step there. Not that I had the courage. Even after years, I was still scared of getting inside.

A hand grasped my shaky ones, and I turned my head to my left. Hunter's eyes filled with sympathy as he interlaced our fingers.

“You don’t have to do this.”

“But I need to,” I whispered and squeezed. “Just promise you’ll stay by my side.”

“I’m always at your side, Bella.” His smile calmed me a little, and I looked back at the door.

I exhaled a deep breath, and with a shaking hand, I grabbed the doorknob. Swallowing hard, I turned the knob and pushed the door open.

My mother kept the room the same as it was when she died. It was clean, with no speck of dust or blood. I looked at the new mat beside her bed. It was where she fell from her bed and her blood was pooled.

My mind reeled back to the day. How I opened the door and saw the gun in her hand. If I had just come a few more seconds earlier, maybe she would’ve been alive. If I had just yelled her name, maybe she would’ve stopped from pulling the trigger-

“Bella?” I flinched out of my past and blinked my eyes to see Hunter standing in front of me. “It’s alright,” he murmured, putting his hands on my face.

I didn’t realize I was crying until he wiped the tears from my cheeks with his thumb.

“I’m fine.” I sniffed.

“What are you looking for?” He asked.

“Something useful,” I mumbled and went to the bedside.

I searched in all the drawers in her room. Even if there was something suspicious, Mom probably found it while cleaning, but since she said nothing, coming here was maybe pointless.

My eyes caught the picture of me, Matteo, and Riley my dad took at the summer house. All of us had goofy smiles on our faces. Those were the best days we lived.

How could you forget all the good times we had Riley?

Didn’t you even think for a second about us before pulling the trigger?

“Why does your brother call you Beastly?” Hunter asked out of the blue, and my eyes darted from the picture towards him. From the look on his face, I knew he asked it to distract me.

“Riley gave me a nickname when we were young, and he became jealous.” I shrugged as I walked towards the closet. “He began calling me the opposite of it and it kind of got stuck till now.”

“What did your sister named you?”

I opened the closet door, and side glanced at him. “Bella.”

Hunter’s eyes widened, and guilt washed over his face. “Fuck. I’m sorry.” He opened and closed his mouth for a second. “I didn’t know, and I was just teasing you-“

“It’s alright.” I cut him off. “Whenever anyone called me Bella, my sister’s dead face flashed in my head, so I avoided it.”

“I’m so sorry.” He rubbed his hands over his face. “Fuck, I’m a horrible person.”