imagine: after you pass away, jisung constantly leaves you voicemails to speak to you about how his day was.
jisung sat at the edge of his bed, holding his phone in his hand, spinning it between his fingers as he stared blankly at the floor.
the sound of the door unlocking caught him off guard.
"jisung, food's arrived." minho put his thumbs up to him with a smile, his expression quickly changed. "...you alright?" he questioned, leaning against the door frame, crossing his legs as he kept his steady balance.
jisung nodded quickly, rubbing his neck as he looked up to minho awkwardly, "why wouldn't i be?"
"y'know, since-"
"i'm okay...don't worry." jisung sighed, holding his phone tight in his grip.
"right..okay.. well, hurry up before your food gets cold." he left with a sad smile across his face.
it was rare that any of the members saw jisung upset, but after everything that happened...they couldn't blame him for being so heartbroken, he lost the one thing he thought he'd always have.
he held his phone up to his face, unlocking it with his facial recognition. he quickly swiped across to his contacts, finding your name at the very top. hesitantly, he pressed onto your contact, dialling your number.
it took him a minute before pressing the screen against his ear, listening to the sound of ringing.
it rang once. then twice.
voicemail.
'please leave your message at the beep.'
BEEP
he sighed, dropping his head low as a tear rolled down his cheek. he hid his emotions quickly, although no one was watching...he felt the need to hide how he felt, he didn't want to be reminded of how hurt he felt...he didn't wanna be reminded of the feeling of tears washing down his face when he last saw you... he hated it. he hated to cry knowing that was the last thing you saw him do. and you just...left. you left him without a single explanation. you didn't bother to explain what was happening, or why it was happening. a part of him wanted to just scream, let it all out. his heart ached knowing that you left him so empty, he was fragile and you knew it...so he questioned why you left so quickly...he didn't even get a chance to say it back.
his last memory of you started to fade in his mind, he started to blame himself for everything. he never wanted to let go of that memory. no matter how much it hurt him, no matter how much he sobbed over repeating those words in his head, no matter how many times his heart shattered over hearing the echoes of your voice...he wanted to keep that memory forever.
once he heard the beep of the voicemail, he let it sit silent for a few seconds before starting his own little conversation, speaking into his phone.
"hey baby... can i still call you that?" he smiled, taking a breath as he kept the phone against his ear, "i had fun today... i went go karting with the members, and we got ice cream. chan decided we should order in for food tonight, minho's just told me it's here so...i probably don't have long today..." he sighed, "i just...it's silly. for me to keep sending you these voicemails. because i know you won't listen to them. but, deep down, i know you would've expected me to do this. i still can't believe you left me all alone. it still breaks my heart...i can't move on, i'm struggling to put a smile on my face. it's fake. i appreciate the boys for doing everything they can to support me during your absence... but it's no use, no one could ever replace you...you were so precious to me, i don't think you understood how important you were...and you still are." a rush of tears fell down his cheek, escaping his bloodshot eyes, "you promised me you'd get through it... that we'd get through it. you said you'd be okay, and you promised...you promised you wouldn't leave. and now, you've left me, stuck here in this...shit hole, and i'm constantly blaming myself...everyday. i'm constantly thinking, 'what if i was a bad boyfriend?' 'what if i didn't treat you right?' 'is it my fault you left?' 'why wouldn't you explai before you left?' 'why did you have to let go so...painlessly?!'. you've left me with those thoughts, and just those thoughts... did you even think about, just for a second, how it would affect me?! did you...did you really think i meant that little to you that you had to let go? that you had to hide?" sobs started to escape his lips, tears now streaming down his face, his forehead becoming sweaty as he let out his rage. "you promised me!! you promised you'd stay!! you promised you wouldn't let this get the better of you...and you lied. it was all a lie. everything you said about feeling happy...about wanting to spend your life with me... but, instead, you chose to spend your life in a grave.. you didn't even hold on long enough for me to tell you i love you!" his saddened voice quickly transitioned into breathless screams, his heart pounding in his chest. "come back..."
jisung dropped his phone from his ear, hitting the red 'end call' button before completely breaking down, the sound of his heart beating overtook the countless sobs he let pour out.
the door squeaked open a crack, "jisung, your food's gonna get col-" chan entered the room, dropping his jaw once he saw jisung's eyes comepletely swollen, his tear stained face red with anger and sadness. "you called her again...didn't you?" he stepped forward, taking a seat beside jisung on his bed.
he nodded hesitantly.
"you're not helping yourself...you need to stop calling her. and i'm not telling you to move on... because, honestly, i can't imagine how hard this is for you. i'm just saying, before you do these things...take a deep breath and think 'do i really need to do this?' because i know for a fact that you don't, because she's listening to you always. even if she'll never hear the coutless voicemails you send her, she hears everything you say, and i can tell you truthfully that her heart breaks everytime she sees a single tear leave your eye. she wouldn't want you to be like this, she wouldn't want you to feel this way."
"yeah? and what would she want?" jisung looked up, facing chan as his head tilted.
"she'd want you to be happy. she'd want you to go on for her, because she couldn't. and she'd also want you to know that she loves you more than you'll ever know."
he sniffled, "if she loved me she wouldn't have left...she wouldn't have let go!" he cried into his hands, feeling chan's hand rub against his back.
"she has her own reasons for taking that path of life...but, you can't sit here and blame her for wanting to be happy. if taking her own life meant that she would be happy then so be it. she's happy, she's okay, and she's safe. she's looking down on you always..."
chan felt himself start to tear up at the reminder of the previous events taken place, he couldn't seem to get the images out of his head; jisung sat on the floor with you in his arms, cradling you as he sang to you, he thought you'd be okay... they all did.
"i want her back, chan." he sobbed, the sounds of his cries emptying the silence from the room.
"we all do, sungie..."
