The Queen of Spades (promise this is good)

Chapter 52-Mansion of Monsters

"Hey, Chishiya. Want some?" You preferred your box of cigarettes to him. He shook his head, admitting that he does not smoke at all to keep his stamina high and to keep his body healthy. "Sorry, but I'll have to refuse that cigarette," he waved his hands. 

"Come on! You're not a minor or anything! Okay, just this once, and I promise to stop pestering you about it. Just in case you're looking to take your mind off these games," you watched the stars in the sky glistening in the dark sky, illuminating the surroundings and placing a perfect lighting on Chishiya. 

He finally succumbed to your persuasion, and grabbed the stick from you. "Bite on it gently on the tip, and I'll light it up for you," you instructed him. He did as he was told, pursing his lips together to prevent it from dropping out. You grabbed your lighter, lighting it up for him. He raised his eyebrows, removing it and blowing out a plume of smoke. 

"Do you smoke and drink this excessively because it makes you look cool?" He questioned. 

You chuckled, before answering him, "Absolutely not! I've always been doing this to get a temporary sense of euphoria. It makes me feel good and I love the feeling of being high. Oddly, I think I'm getting addicted, which could be bad, but I've got to live my life to the fullest if I'm doing to die here." 

You took out the last cigarette stick from your packet, before tossing it carelessly onto the ground. Lighting it up, you smiled. You rarely saw Chishiya doing these things, and he was normally clean and sober. As expected of a surgeon,  of course. "Say, did you choose to become a game master because of me? If I had chosen to go back to the real world, would you have followed me back?" You popped the question that had you fixated for the past few days.

"Yes for both. I have my reasons for staying and going back, but either way, I would like to follow you together. As it is, I've already committed enough wrongdoings to end up in hell, so why not just embrace in it?" He leaned on your head, making sure not to put too much of his weight onto you. You blushed furiously, staying as still as a statue. At that point, you have nary a care about anything in the world.

"In my opinion, you became a game master because of your brother's death. You want to get revenge for him, don't you? But at the same time, you keep resisting due to your ideals. He wouldn't really like the sight of you having a pile of dead bodies below you. You're too emotionally weak for this, and you keep denying and trying to forget the past, but you can't, because you hold him too dear to you. You're not really drinking excessively for the euphoria, are you? It's because you want to forget about him—"

"Shuntaro! Didn't I say not to mention my brother? He's dead, and I don't want to hear a word of him come out of your mouth!" You slammed your car, venting your pent-up anger on him. Your eyes uncontrollably softened, and tears welled up in your eyes, threatening to spill if you showed any form of weakness. You raised your hand to slap him, but he caught your wrist on time.

"Yuki! You can't just deny him and erase all of your memories with him. You have to accept his death, and stop trying to create a new you. Instead, you should just move on, and fight for him, like he would want you to!" Chishiya talked some sense into you, pulling your hand into a tight hug. 

By then, you could not resist the tears that rolled down your face, leaving a stain on his blazer. "What's wrong with me?" You let out all of your emotions to him, not knowing what was the right thing to do at that point. "I keep having mixed emotions about everything, and at this point, I don't know who I am anymore! Sometimes, I feel like this girl trying to get out of the dark, sometimes, I feel like I'm just a worthless human. On occasions, I assume I'm a powerful Queen of Spades, but then I also feel like a powerless piece of shit who only lived due to the blood shed by others!"