AFIRE

#A4Day23 : Saved

My heart is pounding, as I walked briskly towards the elevator, my fists clenching tightly, my knees shaking uncotrollably and my skin sweating profusely. I watched as doors close agonizingly slow, opening to each floor as if it was mocking me. I was pressed for time, I needed to reach the roof top in time.

In that painful elevator ride, I couldn't help but think, how did it all come to this?

I met Maine Mendoza at her best and she met me at my worst. I had a troubled life, my parents disowning me after I refused to do what they wanted, the love of my life getting killed in a car accident; I was lost. But she found me, and turned my life around.

She became my salvation. And from then on, I became better. With all the attention she devoted to me, I forgot that she was undergoing struggle of her own.

Underneath that beaming smile, she hid her brokenness, her sadness. And it really took a lot for her to break down. I never realized how much she was going through until I read her journal. It showed the girl behind the facade.

She was my salvation then, and now, I will be hers.

Ten minutes passed and finally, I reached my destination. As soon as the doors opened, I ran as fast as I could, calling out a name I've been holding on to for dear life.

"Maine!" I called. No response.

"Maine!!" I called, louder this time. Still, no response.

"Maine!!!" I called out on the top of my lungs, my eyes searching for her on the roof top.

"Rj..Rj..Rj.." Finally, I heard her sweet voice, echoing from afar.

She was walking on the ledge of the roof top, chanting my name whilst holding a bottle of vodka in one hand and using the other for balance.

"Maine! Get down from there, I beg you!" I ran towards her, reaching out for her hand which she refused to give.

"Oh hello, Rj. Fancy meeting you up here. Are you here to watch me end it all?" She smirked, as she countinued waddling on the ledge.

"Please, Maine. Wag mo 'tong gawin sa sarili mo. Bumaba ka na dyan, please." I pleaded, my voice broken as I try to hold back my tears from falling. My heart was broken, seeing her trying to throw away her life like this.

"Yes. Well, I was thinking maybe I should take that 1 minute trip to the lobby." She giggled, taking a small step forward. "Ikaw, ano sa tingin mo, Rj?"

"No! Please?! Maine, please! Bumaba ka na dyan. Here, tulungan kita. Give me your hand. Please!" I reached out for her hand once again and she stared at me for a moment, then pretended to give me her hand, retracted quickly and laughed hysterically, dropping the bottle of vodka, 24 storeys down the building.

"Woops.. That is a long way down.. hahaha!" She looked down.

"Maine..please. Look at me, look at me!" I shouted, calling her attention.

Hesitantly, she did.

"Please.. just please, don't do this. It's not too late. Magiging maayos din ang lahat. Maraming nagmamahal sa'yo, Maine. Maraming masasaktan kapag nawala ka--" She cut me off before I could finish.

"Talaga? Talaga?! Nasaan? Nasaan ang mga sinasabi mong nagmamahal sa akin? Is it my crack head, alcoholic, sad excuse for a mother who overdosed in front of me you're talking about or is it my father who sexually abused me as a child? Yun ba ang pamilyang tinutukoy mo? Need I remind you, they abandoned me. Wala silang pakialam sa akin."

"Yung mga kaibigan mo, sila Julie, Val--"

"Those 'friends' you're talking about took everything from me, my career, my job, my money, everything! So no, they don't love me. Nobody loves Maine Mendoza!" She shouted, her voice resounding in the air.

"Ako! Ako, Maine, ako! Mahal kita!" I blurted out. "Mahal na mahal kita, Maine!"

She stopped, her eyes darting towards my direction as tears started flowing from her eyes. "Oh, Rj. Who are you fooling? You can never love someone like me.."

"But I do. Matagal na, Maine. Matagal na kitang mahal. Hindi ko lang maipagtapat sa'yo kasi natatakot ako. Natatakot akong itataboy mo lang ako. Pero mahal kita, Maine."

"As much as I want to believe you, Rj, I know who I am and I know someone like you can never love someone like me. I'm.. I'm self-destructive, Rj. I push people away and I am not capable of loving. Ni hindi ko nga kayang mahalin ang sarili ko eh. So palaisipan sa akin kung paano mo ko minahal."

"Aaminin ko. Nahirapan akong mahalin ka pero para bang hindi kaya ng puso kong hindi ka mahalin. Ang laki ng utang na loob ko sa'yo Maine. Ikaw ang nagbigay buhay ulit sa akin. Remember when you found me in the same situation? You saved me, Maine. If not for you, I won't be here." Tears started to flow from my eyes as well. "I'm sorry for not asking, Maine, for not paying attention. I was too busy putting my life back together that I didn't realize na may pinagdadaanan ka din."

"Oh please. Save it. Kinakaawaan mo lang ako kaya mo sinasabi yan."

"Hindi yan totoo. Alam kong alam mo yun, Maine. And deep, down inside your heart, you know, you know you love me too. You're just afraid to admit it."

"When will you wake up, Rj? Hindi ako worthy ng pagmamahal mo! Can't you see? I'm on my way to destruction and you should keep away from me so you won't be collateral damage." Maine turned away from me.

"Can't you see? I'm incaple of not loving you, Maine. Please..please don't do this to yourself, not for me, not for anyone else, but for you." I pleaded. "Hindi magiging madali ang lahat, that I know. But I will be here for you, I will be by your side no matter what happens, like what you did for me. Hindi ako aalis. Pangako. Kaya halika na, let's go home. Give me your hand."

I pulled myself up on the ledge to reach for Maine and she finally let me. I caught her in my arms and held her as she continued to sob.

"I'm here, Maine. Always."

She looked up, met my gaze and touched my cheek. "Hindi mo ko iiwan?"

"Hindi, kahit kailan."

"Rj?"

"Yes, Maine?"

"I love you too."