If Time Stands Still

76 - holiday blues

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-1 week later-

Aylin's POV

"Knock, knock." Lauren enters my office space with a Santa hat on and places a chocolate with a tiny ribbon around it, "Merry Kiwi Christmas."

I smile back at her, "Thank you! Merry Christmas to you too."

"What are your Christmas plans this year?"

I shrug, "I'm just winging it. It's the first time I'm experiencing a hot and sunny one. It's something to get used to. It doesn't feel like Christmas at all."

"I can imagine that."

"What about you?"

"Dinner with my family and the in-laws." She rolls her eyes, "Do you have any family to spend it with here?"

I shake my head, "No, but Naija told me to come over to hers."

And thank God she did. She told me she doesn't necessarily celebrate Christmas, but she's one of those people that won't pass up any holiday where gifts and drinks are involved. She also added that her friends here are mostly single and are also here alone, so it'll be a fun celebration and I won't feel like I'm imposing on a family tradition.

"Oh, that'll be fun." She smiles, "Don't forget, we're doing Secret Santa at eleven."

"Got it."

Once she's left, I immediately help myself to the chocolate since I'm low on energy. I didn't want to show it, but I've been out of it since last week.

I've barely slept, barely eaten. The thought of Zayn already going on dates with other girls makes me sick to my stomach... and the fact that he was sexting me right after made it much worse.

Once he called me back, something switched. The adrenaline I initially had vanished into pure cowardice. Hearing his voice wasn't something I could handle. There was so much pent up rage I felt, but I knew that once I heard his sweet voice, I'd forget what I was even mad about.

So I didn't answer it. I let it ring until it eventually stopped, followed by a text from him asking me what's up. Throughout the day, he called twice more, but I couldn't get myself to answer.

And though I'm still mad at him, I got hold of Luna again and made her promise not to tell my parents yet. It's stupid, but I wasn't sure what Zayn's usual Christmas plans were; whether he even properly celebrated it or if he'd be with his aunt or Clinton... Either way, anyone being alone on any holiday sucks, so I wanted him to still have the option of going over to my house where it's familiar.  Mom would guarantee a great meal and dad would guarantee some (sometimes unpredictable) entertainment that'll make him feel right at home.

Even worse, I told Luna not to give him any attitude until after Christmas too. I don't know what the fùck is wrong with me.

I'm upset over what I learned from her... but I still care about him anyway and I can't push that aside. But overall, I think I have holiday blues...

It's December. Christmas is coming up, New Years is right around the corner... and then it's his birthday. It hurts. It would've been our first time celebrating all of those together, but we're broken up and thousands of miles apart. It's an unfortunate situation and shïtty timing.

I thought it would be a good idea settling here a month earlier to help me move on from him, but that was only temporary. There's no running away from your problems, only avoiding them until you no longer can. I didn't expect all these bad feelings to sink in so soon.