If Time Stands Still

84- some sweetness

Vote goal reached! Here you go! Short one, but good one 🥰

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Call it a digital, but physical connexion 🎶

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Aylin's POV

Well, it happened. It got worse.

Not only have I sunken deeper into the funk, but I've inevitably broken my promise to Luke and myself since I cried my eyes out as soon as I got home after seeing that dreaded email.

Of course I've been missing Zayn before I've even left Chicago, but I guess I didn't realize just how much when March was my glimmer of hope.

On the bright side, I think I cried my eyes dry for now, but my head is still throbbing days later due to the lack of sleep. I haven't left my apartment at all, and only left my bed when I used the bathroom or to get some food.

I looked so bad at work that Lauren insisted I take the rest of the week off until I feel better, without me saying anything about being unwell.

But with me being the perfectionist employee that I am, I insisted that it would be a waste of sick days since I was still able to work, so we came to the agreement that I could do so from home. I probably would've been offended by her thinking I'm sick if I didn't get that incentive.

It works out great after all. I won't have to worry about jeopardizing my career, and I also don't have to worry about looking like shït since nobody will see me sobbing over not seeing my boyfriend.

It's just not fair. It feels like the universe is trying to keep us apart by putting us through all these tribulations. I don't know how much more of this I can deal with, but I hate the person I became lately.

Since when am I this dependent cry-baby? The last time it was this bad was that period of my life that I miscarried. I hate thinking about it, but it's the only other time I've felt so shut down that's comparable to my current feelings.

I couldn't bare getting on a video call with him, nor could I hear his voice. We texted briefly about it, with him taking hours and hours to respond with a simple, 'bummer', and I haven't responded to that text from three days ago.

I can't blame him for being at a loss for words. This was the reason why he didn't wanna do this to begin with.

He was looking forward to March as much as I was, but this is out of our control. The next period I can possibly get some time off is July, and that's six months from now. I can't do it.

His tone comes into earshot, so I reach for my phone, wondering how he always manages to reach out whenever I'm thinking about him.

Zayn: Baby you alright? u've been quiet

Zayn: Don't beat yourself up over this .. you tried. It's okay

Zayn: i love you

A heavy breath knocks out of me as I collapse onto the stack of pillows.

You: I love you too

You: And that's why I'm sad

If I don't get to see him soon, I worry that the inconsistency might drive us apart again. Right now, we both seem to be on the same page. I don't want our time apart to increase.

What if that gives him time to think about things and change his mind? I know I won't. I've never been this sure about anything in my life.