The Dragon's Curse (A Hanzo X Reader Fanfic)

Bargain

i DON'T KNOW IF IT'S JUST ME BEING A TWAT but i cried some writing this chapter T__T 

Enjoy loves!! :* Thank you for waiting ^_^

The door to McCree's room opened with a creek, and after awkwardly patting the wall closest to the entrance, you finally found the light switch and the darkness that consumed the desolate space dispelled at last. The furniture found inside was minimal, only the essentials positioned here and there: a feature Hanzo approved of greatly. In a small space such as this, one would be forced to be honest with themselves, figure out what they really needed compared to what they only wanted. With the scene that greeted you, you figured  that McCree was not a very materialistic man, and though it was a little untidy with the settled layers of dust and some of his garments scattered about, you were confident that it wasn't too much of a daunting task to correct. 

You turned over your shoulder, finding Hanzo's hand already perched on top of it. You sighed, a little bit from exhaustion and a little bit from relief, before ultimately heading in and putting down whatever resources you have salvaged beforehand into one corner of the room. 

He then came over to you seconds later, kissing you once more, and it only occurred to you then the weight of the promise that he has made to you upstairs on the snowy rooftop. You kissed him back without hesitation, but your hands--oh, they battled against you!

It was as though they could not decide where to put themselves on: Should they pull Hanzo closer by the shoulders again? Push him away by the chest? Caress his face?

Nothing ever seemed to be the right choice, and you could only stand there, completely lost and conflicted at the thoughts racing in your head.

You love him don't you? Well, here it is! Bang the guy.

It's all too soon: We just reconciled--heck we haven't even seen each other for a long time!

So? Do you want to risk it? Lose him again? Come on, step up.

Nothing bad will happen to him, we can trust McCree. And I'm sure Hanzo would understand...he loves me. 

Ugh.

The Shimada's broad fingers were inches away from undoing your kimono, already halfway into untying the obi that wrapped around your waist, and you did not even notice! 

It was all too much, too heady: your tug of war between mind and heart, Hanzo himself, the lack of sleep, the realization of time ticking down, the difficulty of coming up with a decision--you could not possibly focus on one thing and not regret it later. No one should be thinking in this state!

It was when Hanzo had noticed your sudden quiet that he rose from further undoing your garments and had cupped your face in his coarse hands, bringing it into the light to force you to look at him, to see if there was anything wrong with you.

"Beloved..." his voice was husky, but it was tender--something that further fueled your desire for him. "Are you alright? Did I...do something wrong?"

"I...I'm sorry" you stammered, pathetically trying to wrap up everything that has been silently going on inside you at the moment. "I'm sorry because I do want to do this with you--more than anything else--but at the same time I feel like this is too fast, too soon. I-I mean we've known each other for like ever, but we just got back together and we just reconciled and all, but at the same time we are still healing from our traumas and coming to terms with ourselves, and I know very well that I get my strength when I'm with you, Hanzo. I'm so sorry-I don't know what to do. I want to make you happy, I really do-"