Howie

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I lay there
As still as death
Trying my damndest
Not to wake
The deceased 

My heart beats in my ears
And tears swell
In my eyes

I can't possibly
Understand these emotions
That have chocked me awake
I cannot breathe
I CANNOT BREATHE

All I can think is
Lie still

...

Breathe
Breathe
Breathe

...

I pause in the moment
Trying to teach myself
To breathe again

Your body beside me
Jerks...
Then your arm reaches out
N' your hand so small
& nimble
Touches me mine 

A single breath is let out
...
Breathing is now restored
My chest heavy

My thoughts swarming me
Like I just disturbed a hornets nest

There they are
Stinging me from every side

I can't explain this feeling

I can't tell you why
This happens
Or why I feel numb

I can't tell you why
The smallest of tears
Crept from my tear duct
N' rolled down my cheek

I can tell you that
I put this mask on everyday
Pretending to be happy
Pretending to feel

Mimicking all the emotions
My close friends
Express around me

I want to feel
I want to be that smile
That glows when on your face

I want to be
Alive
To breathe without
The struggle

I sat there
Listening to to her breathe
My ears fixated
On the air coming in
& out of your lungs

I can't breathe
I manage to muster
From under my breathe

My chest is tightening
The walls are closing In on me

I CANNOT BREATHE

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