chapter twenty one

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1997
First day back to school
Alora Slater POV

I sat with my elbows on the table, my hands folded and my chin resting atop them. There were some other Slytherins in the car, but I was the only one from the group that was here. I stared into space, trying to forget everything that had happened in the last week. Merlin, that all happened in seven days. Pansy would come soon and talk about her girlfriend, and everything would be normal again.

And I was right. Pansy and Daphne lead the other four to where I was sitting. Pansy pulled me up by my left arm, which I winced at, and hugged me incredibly tight. Draco didn't look over at me, I'm glad we could be normal. We've been through hell and back in a week but the rest of the group could never know.

"So, tell me everything that happened over the break! What did you do for two weeks?"

"I uh, I hid in my room for the most part. Adrian just wanted me home to tell me he was moving out next September so it was our last family Christmas."

"That's all?"

"Yeah, it could've been said in a letter and made everyone's life easier. But enough about me, what did you guys do?"
-

One week later
Alora Slater POV

It was the middle of the night, everyone was asleep in my dorm. I had managed to close my eyes for about an hour earlier. I was sitting up in my bed, breathing rapidly and clutching my chest. Something was wrong, this wasn't normal, especially when there was nothing to make me feel this way. My head started spinning, nothing was focusing properly.

I had trouble sleeping all week but last night I thought I was finally becoming okay. I thought I had a dream just then, but I couldn't remember what it was about. Now my heart was racing and my chest ached. Part of me thought I was dying for a moment, but then I remembered that sixteen year olds don't have heart attacks.

Pansy and Daphne were still passed out, so I took this opportunity to sneak out to the common room. My slippers were waiting for me by the foot of the bed, every part of my trembled when I tried standing up. When I finally pulled myself up, my heart fluttered a bit and it became hard to breathe. I had to get out of here. There was no chance this was going to go away by just sitting here.

I stumbled down the stairs and ignited the logs before standing over the back of the sofa. My lungs felt like they were collapsing and my heart was pounding through my chest. I gasped for air before I dropped to my knees and grabbed fistfuls of my hair. "I'm dying, this is what dying feels like," I thought to myself.

What makes me the most mad is that I had been fine for a week! Other than the occasional wave of guilt or having to change the subject fast, I was actually doing fine. I didn't think I would be fine but I was so happy when I made it through the first day. I shook silently on the ground while crying, trying to get just enough air.

I wasn't sure how much time had went by when I felt a hand on my back. I had stood up by this point and I was holding myself up over the back of the sofa. I jumped a little and backed away, nobody was supposed to see me like this.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, go away."

"Slater, shut up."

"What's happening to me?" I asked between snivels.

He led us around the sofa and sat down next to me, not letting taking his hand off my back the whole time. When he sat down, he gently toyed with a strand of my hair.

"You're having a panic attack. It happened to me too my first week back. Every so often I'll still get one. It gets easier."

"I'm not cut out for this, you know. I don't even know why He wanted me."

"I wished he didn't. Now I have to see you twice as much."

"It's not like I want to see you either."

"Let's just hope we're never put together. I would rather die than spend a whole day with you."

"Grow up," I sighed.

We sat there in silence, slowly the pain started fading and I could breathe again. That flutter in my heart disappeared and dropped down into my stomach instead. I never thought Draco Malfoy would be the one sitting with me while I had my first panic attack. We really did grow up over these last few months.

"You aren't so bad you know, Malfoy."

"Excuse me?"

"You try and make everyone think you're this awful guy who's too cool and mysterious for anyone, but you're a softie."

"Never, ever say that again. I am not soft."

I giggled slightly, it was fun getting under his skin like that. Draco and I would never get along, even though we shared similar traumas. He dropped the piece of hair he was playing with and got up, motioning for me to join him.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking you to bed, let's go."

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