MotoGP one shots

Fabio Quartararo- Comfort

A/n: there are mentions of death in this part so if that will affect you don't read this part 

My life has changed so much in the last month but not in a good way I've been really struggling to cope with everything going on but I've been keeping all my struggles to myself because I don't want to seem like I'm not grateful for the life I have and my problems are just so insignificant compared to other people. There is so many things that I know I'm so lucky to have like a beautiful house and a supportive boyfriend that it feels wrong to complain about things when other people have it so much harder which is why I keep my problems to myself until they resolve themselves. Letting everything build up in reality has been a bad idea as it's playing on my mind more and more and is starting to become too much to deal with. 

Getting home from work today I made it about two feet from the door before just sliding down the wall letting my bag fall off my shoulder without any care as I put my knees up and hid my face in them as tears began to well in my eyes. It is Monday and I've been working all day as well as all weekend because I've just got so much to do since having to take over the work of a colleague who left until they find a replacement. Although I'm at home I still have to do more work as I have deadline for the morning which is stressing me out as everything is nowhere near done. All weekend all I wanted to was just be at home and be able to watch Fabio race seeing as I couldn't be there in person but I just had no time to the point that I had to look up the result to be able to congratulate him in a phone call that lasted less than a minute as I had to hang up and get back to work. 

Not having Fabio around hasn't helped me feel any better either as on Wednesday last week after he had left I got a call from my mum that my grandad had died which really hit me hard but I had to push it aside to be able to get on with work. No one knows what exactly I've been going through as the person I would talk to has been away for the past two weeks at a race and we've both just been so busy that there is no good time to bring it up that we would have enough time to talk as much as I know he would want to. I know Fabio is going to feel bad that he hasn't been here to support me when he gets home and I finally tell him which only makes me feel worse as I hate keeping things from him and I don't want him to be upset too because I don't think I can handle that. 

Once I had taken a few minutes to get myself together I got up and put my shoes where they usually go and took my things to my little office upstairs to try and finish my work before I inevitably fall asleep at my desk like I've done every day for the past two weeks. Just as I got into the groove and was starting to make real progress my phone started ringing with a call from my mum which I thought about not answering but she knows how busy I've been so wouldn't call unless there was something she needed to talk to me about. Answering the call turned out to be the worst decision I've made in a very long time which is saying something as some of my decisions have been questionable, she had called to tell me that my grandma had just passed earlier in the day. My phone slipped out of my hand and fell on my desk as soon as those words left her mouth it was like another part of my heart and been ripped out, my grandparents were my childhood and I loved them so much and to know both of them were gone really hurt. 

When my grandad passed I was upset but I was hanging onto the fact that my grandma was still around because it meant that all of those memories still lived on but now she's gone too it's all hitting me all at once like they are really both gone and I'll never get to talk to them again or have them meet the kids I want to have in the future. It hurt even more to know that I never got to tell them I loved them one last time nor will I get to say goodbye because I won't be able to go to the funeral due to restrictions. Some of my favourite memories from my childhood involve both of my grandparents which will live on in my brain and the photo albums I have but I won't be able to make any new memories to fill the pages I left for pictures from my wedding and when I have kids of my own, those pages will forever just have their heading and no photos to fill them.