A twist of hatred

That's a promise!

Beauty

I tried so hard not to let his words get to me but at the end I failed woefully. My heart was paining,it aches to hear his accusations against me.

Bad luck
He called me that
Is that really what I am?

Standing before the mirror in my washroom,I looked at my face

"Bad luck" I let the words slip out of my tongue as tears accompanied them.

"Why are you always trying to ruin me Handsome" i sniveled miserably
Crestfallen,I realized that Handsome has done more damage to me than only this.
My face contorted as I shook my head and wept In exasperation.

"Not again" I groaned hoping that I don't fall into another depression.
Depression is much more than getting upset and sad,it's a constant of feeling of despair and hopelessness.

Why is it that he's always the reason for my sadness and tears.
I'm I not good enough to fit in his life?

For days the gnawing grief kept me awake at night, a black hole that I cannot seem to crawl out of. I claw my way to the surface only to be ripped back down by my own thoughts. Thoughts of all the things he's done to make my life a living hell.
Sometimes I cannot make myself get off bed in the morning. Other times it's because I see my reflection in the mirror and break down. I sob and scream until my throat aches. Having dark circles and bags under my eyes. My cheeks are sunken due to the fact that I don't eat much for days.
My lips are chapped and peeling and I cannot make them stop quivering.
Depression is self hatred that at some point you begin to hide yourself away from people.
I hate myself for thinking that I'm the cause of all the bad things that happened in my and his life.
His words were printed in my mind and his voice repeats itself every now and then in my head.

Eventually I begin to question myself. Would I be Better off dead? Would anyone miss me? Would they even notice my absence?

First my mother sent me here,maybe she really didn't love me..my love became a failure my whole life was a torture.

No one wants me!
And right now I ran away and from home,yes I left his home. I know I must be a failure to run away instead of facing him. The next day after our engagement dinner First luv made up. I took a flight to Paris,I lied to First luv that jaddu is severely sick and I'm going to Dubai. But then I'm not ready to meet anyone,all I need is space from everything and everyone.
I'm all alone in my penthouse living my life and leading it to its misery.

The thought of the word
Bad luck brought a pang to my chest.
Hollowed out by sadness I can't even cry anymore but let out dry,juddering sobs.

Sitting all alone ghosting all my social media platforms.
I haven't forgotten about my lord.
I pray..yes I pray very much maybe it's just not yet time for me to snap out of it.
Nigeria was no good for me,I've never gotten into depression my whole life until I went there. There my life was hell and it's still is.

"You are not bad luck. You are our sweetheart. You are not the reason i died,not the reason your mother sent you there. Your mother loves you believe me. Binti you are not the reason for anyone's death or mishap. Don't ponder on it much,that guy wasn't meant for you that's why he didn't became yours. Allah has better plans for you ahead so don't let anyone let you astray. Don't let anyone take away your smile.
Don't forget you are your Abbie's favorite and he loves you soo much.
So get up get up and show them how strong you are. Get up get up!"

I gasped as my eyes swung open. I touched my lips and they were stretched into a smile for the first time after my breakdown.
I felt all the sadness disappearing. I just felt like a new born baby,with nothing and no one to worry about.
First time in so many days I felt hunger!
I let my legs down on the flush carpet before standing up feeling new strength and energy.
I performed ablution and prayed,I thanked Allah for helping me sail through it this time as well.
Feeling jovial I went into the kitchen and prepared a nutritious breakfast for myself.