59. | Crazy

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The minute Killian left, I changed off the shower setting

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The minute Killian left, I changed off the shower setting. I let the water fill before I take off my underwear and climb in.

I don't technically need a bath, but I stink of weed.

I wash my body, but I don't exit as soon as I'm done. I sit in the water, staring down at my hands. Soap dots the water and I run my hands through my hair.

I'm losing it. I'm losing myself.

I've never done drugs of any kind. No matter what. I always stuck to alcohol. But I didn't this time. And I don't even know why.

Slowly, I sink into the water, submerging my head. My body relaxes gradually, finding comfort in the warmth the water brings me.

It hurts. Everything in me hurts.

When I close my eyes, all I can see is Goliath. All I can see is him smiling, laughing at my pain. I can feel the electricity buzzing through me, vibrating in every atom of my body.

I can still feel the pain. The pain of the dull blade I dug in my wrists. The pain of their punches, their kicks. The pain of the electricity. The pain of not knowing if Ari or Lilly were okay.

Even now.

Lilly sacrificed herself, so I could get out. But they could've saved her. They had time. They had guards. So why didn't they?

Water infiltrates my lungs, but I don't bother with it. I let it. When I open my eyes, there's a black void surrounding me. Water pools at my feet, but it doesn't go higher than my toes.

"Hello?" I call as I look around. No one answers me. I step forward, pushing the water with my bare feet. I wrap my arms around myself, looking around at nothingness. "Hello? Anybody here?"

"Mom." My head snaps in that direction, trying to find the source, but...it's everywhere. "Mom." It whispers again.

"Lilly?" I call, hoping I get an answer.

I don't.

I spin in a circle, trying to find something, but I don't. Then, I turn again and freeze at the sight of Lilly. "Lilly!" I run toward her. I'm feet away when I realize how wet she is. Like she's been in the ocean. Her lips are pale. "Lilly?"

"Save yourself." She whispers. My brows furrow. She opens her mouth and water pours out. She chokes as though she's drowning.

"Lilly!" I reach for her, but she vanishes. "Lillian!" I hear yelling from somewhere distant. I spin around in the darkness, the water soaking my feet.

I gasp as I stare at the girl in front of me. Her eyes are cold and distant, her hair the same silver as mine with the same crimson streaks, except, she has more. "You can't save them all." She speaks, then she scrunches her face, sending me flying back.

I cough up water, a towel being laid over me to cover me. I gasp for air, looking around. Then I land on Xander, who's staring at me in fear. "What the hell were you thinking?" He wraps his arms around me, and I can feel him shaking.

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